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lVlY motives for attempting to translate the Satires of 
Horace upon the plan now offered to the Public, were sim- 
ply these. — Notwithstanding the difference in the Idiom of 
the languages, Dean Swift and Mr. Pope have clearly shewn 
that the spirit of this Author may in a great measure be pre- 
served in our own. Their performances are indeed above all 
praise, and preclude competition : but in general they seem to 
me to have imitated (and that loosely) such parts of him only 
as suited the purpose of their own immediate Satire; and to 
have followed rather the train of thought than the exact sense 
of the Author. 

Mr. Francis, on the contrary, is literal in the extreme; and 
does not allow himself (what I conceive every Translator is 
entitled to) the Liberty of using the Idioms of his own lan- 
guage, or changing an ancient custom for a modern one, how- 
ever similar : indeed in the few instances that he does this, he 


seems to think it almost necessary to apologize for it. In short 
with all his excellencies, which are great and many, he appears 
to have forgotten the rule of his Author which I have adopt- 
ed for my Motto. To this literal adherence to ancient names, 
manners, and ideas, we may attribute his deficiency in that ease 
and humour which so strongly characterize the original. A 
Translation between these two extremes is my design ; how far I 
have, or may further succeed in it, must now be decided by 
better, and I must suppose, less partial judges than myself, 

To the Classical Reader I do not presume to give informa- 
tion; indeed I must be very well satisfied, if, in his judgment, 
I am allowed not to have mistaken the sense of Horace my- 
self. To preserve entirely, what in this part of his writings 
appear to me his peculiar beauties, a Satire severe without ill- 
humour, and a language familiar without vulgarity, I am sen- 
sible (to speak for myself at least) is not to be done. If I have 
put his admirable morality and sense into a form somewhat 
more intelligible to the General Reader, a great part of my 
wishes in this Publication will be gratified. 

1 am aware that an objection will lie against the mixture of 
ancient and modern names and allusions; but I must again 
beg leave to remark, that I do not mean either strictly to 


translate, or paraphrase *, and have therefore stuck to my Au- 
thor, or assumed a latitude in going from his literal sense, as 
suited my convenience. Where 1 have found any parallelism 
in modern manners and customs, I have introduced them; and 
where it has appeared necessary to the sense and intention of 
the Author, I have followed the Ideas of the original. In 
those Satires which consist wholly, or in part, of dialogue, I 
have left the names of the Speakers as I found them : for as 
no part of the sense or beauty of the Poem depended upon 
them, I did not see why I might not use the names of Dav us 
and Horace, as well as any other that could have been substi- 
tuted > indeed in the fifth Sat. of Lib. II. this was necessary ; 
as it would have been impossible to have changed the persons 
of Tiresias and Ulysses, without losing a principal beauty in It 3 
and for a similar reason, I have allowed myself fewer liberties 
of modernizing in this than in any other : in the last of the same 
Book, I have kept the original Dramatis Persons for the op- 
posite reason 5 because the persons of the Actors were indif- 
ferent to the Subject. Had I introduced modern ones, I must 
either have given them Jitiitious names, whicn I own, I had 
not ingenuity enough to invent; or real ones, which might 
Jhave carried with them a personality which I wish as much 
as possible to avoid. 

viii PREFACE. 

With respect to the intermixture of manners and allusions* 
where I have indulged myself in modernizing, I hope there 
will be found a sufficient similarity to warrant the liberty ; 
though in other places I did not think myself entitled to lose 
sight of my Author's meaning, in running after a familiar 

Whether my plan he justifiable, or whether I have said 
enough to justify it, I know not ; what I have offered is only 
meant (as the Lawyers say) in arrest of Judgment : let it only 
be remembered that I make no pretence to Depth of Erudi- 
tion, — I am no Critic, nor a Reader of Critics. — Situated 
in a remote Village, I have had little access to Books, and as 
little to the Learned. My only wish has been to give my 
Version an air somewhat easier than that of a literal Transla- 
tion ; any errors therefore into which I may have fallen, the 
<^ood natured Reader will excuse: and if any one is inclined 


to try me by a severer standard, let him recoiled: that I disclaim 
all Scholastic importance, and have not its vanity to mortify. 

Urandeston, July, 1795. 

'Jh.a * Asterism refers to a Note at the end, 

t ix ] 

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XA.BBOT, William, Esq. Neivlnn, London 

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Philpot, Mr. William, Uuntingfield 

Pickering, G. C. Esq. Staffordshire, 2 copies 

Pickering, Miss, Herts. 2 copies 

Pierson, Peter, Esq. Inner Temple, 4 copies 

PigOt, John Coc, Esq. Maiden, Essex 

Pillener, James, Esq. London, 2 copies 



Pitcher, Mr. John, Brandeston 
Plampin, John, Esq. Sbimpllng 
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Poole, Mr. Harleston 

Powys, Esq. <S7. Johns, Cambridge 

Pretyman, Mr. H. N. Brochlish 
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Purvis, Charles, Esq. Darsham 
Purvis, Mrs. Ipswich 

Purvis, Surgeon, Becclcs 

Tye, Rev. H. Anth. Lapworth, Warwicks. 

Quilter, Mr. Samuel, Felixstoiv 

Rochford, Right Hon. Earl of, 20 copies 

Rich, Rev. Sir Charles, Bart. 2 copies 

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Rowley, Sir William, Bart. Tendriug Hall 

Rowley, Lady, Ditto 

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Ray, Samuel, Gent. Worlingworth 

Ray, William, Gent. Tannington 

Ray, Rev. J Mead, Sudbury 

Raymond, Rev. S. Belchamp-hall, Essex 

Raynsford, Robert, Esq. Essex 

Rede, Thomas, Esq. Beccles 

Rede, Robert, Esq. Ditto 

R.eeve, Samuel, Esq. Rear Admiral of 'White 

Reeve, Rev. Thomas, Bungay 

Revett. Nicholas, Esq. London 

Revett, John, Esq. Brandeston Hall, 12 c. 

Revett, Mrs. 4 copies 

Revett, J.C. Esq. Pemb.Coll.Caml. 4 copies 

Revett, John, Surgeon, Debenham 

Reynolds, Rev. Robert, De-Boulge 

Rhodes, Mr. Caius Coll. Cambridge 

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Riley, Rev. R. St. John's Coll. Cambridge 

Riley, Mr. William, Bury 

Ripley, Rev. Richard 

Rjpper, Mr. Daniel, Framsden 

Roberts, Thos. jun. Esq. London, 2 copies 

Robinson, Rev. J. 

Rodbard, John, M. D. Ipswich 

Rodvvell, Thomas, Esq. London, 2 copies 

Rodwell, Mr. St. John's, Cambridge 

Roope, Mr. G. Pulham 

Roper, C. B. Esq. Customs 

Round, George, Esq. Colchester 

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Rowley, Joshua, Esq. Tendring Hall 

Rugglcs, Thomas, Esq. Clare 

Rush, George, Esq. Benball Lodge, 2 c. 

Rustat, Mrs. Ipswich 

Smyth, Sir William, Bart. 

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Savage, Mr. Ipuvich 

Sayers, Francis, M. D. Norwich 

Scott, Captain, Loyal Essex Fencibles 

Scott, Mrs. 

XV 111 


Schrieber, William, E^q Wickbam Market 

Selby, Miss, Ipswich 

Sharpe, Rev. John, Ipswich 

Sheppard, John, Esq. CampseyAsb, 2 c. 

Sheppard, Thomas, Esq. Thornton Hall 

Sheppard, Mr. Revett, Barham 

Sheriff, Rev. T. 

Shield, Rev. T. St. John's, Camhridge 

Short, Henry Hazard, Esq. Boulge Hall 

Shreeve, Mr. William, Yarmouth 

Silburn, Mr. Luke, Ipswich 

Silke, Rev. Angel, Stebbing, Essex 

Skellett, Henry, Esq. Louden 

Slack, Rev. Matthew", Sudbury 

Slapp, Mr. Christ's College, Cambridge 

Smalles, Richard, Esq. London, 2 copie9 

Smallvvood, Charles, Esq. E. India House 

Smith, William, Esq. London, 2 copies 

Smith, Rev. J. St. John's, Cambridge 

Smith, Rev. Bucks. 

Smith, Mr. Michael, Academy, Writtle 
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Smith, Mrs. Dunmow 
Smyth, Joseph Burch, Gent. Sproughton 
Smythc, George, Esq. Harleston 
Smythjes, Rev. H. 
Smythies, Rev. Yorick, Colchester 
Smythies, II. Y. Fell. Eman. Coll. Camh. 
Sumner, Rev. Humphrey, D. D. Copdock 
Snodgrass, Gabriel, Esq. Blackheatb 
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Steen, William, Esq. London, 2 copies 

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Stevens, Mr. London 

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Stratford Book Club 

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Syer, Rev. Dye, D.D. Kedington 

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Talbot, Rev.Wm. Chancellor of Salisbury, 4c. 
Taylor, Rev. William, Swajfham 
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Templeman, Peter, Esq. London, 2 copies 
Terry, Christopher, Esq. Ditto, 2 copies 
Theed, Thomas, Esq. Edmonton, Middlesex 

V B S C R I 

E R ?. 


'Thelwall, Watkin, Esq. Ottley, 4 copies 
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Trant, Rev. Edmund, Toft, Cambridgeshire 
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Trimmer, Mr. Joshua, Ditto 
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Whitmore, Rev. G. St, Johns, Cambridge 
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Williams, Richard, Esq. Customs 
Wiseman, Mr. B. Diss 
Wix, Rev. S. Christ's Coll. Cambridge 
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Wolfe, Thomas, Esq. Ditto 
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bank's, Rev. John, Master Grammar School, Bost^- 


H O R A T I I 

LIB. I. E P I S T. XX. Ad L 


■ r 

Vertiimmun "Janumqae, liber, 


vjO thy conceited way — so proud to look 
Through Jtr?nyns Window, a neat printed book; 
Yes ! to be public, scorn the private friend 
Who sees, and wou'd thy many faults amend : 
Go ! — but, too late, I hear thee mournful cry, 
" Ah, headstrong wish ! ah, childish vanity ! 
tf Better have rested where I was obscure, 
*' Than thus provoke the Critical Reviewer I 


[ 2 ] 

" Or once, perhaps, in careless haste be read, 

" And then, cramm'd into pocket heels and head." IQ 

Full well, if passion blind me not, I see 
How short thy date of popularity : 
Pleasing at first, but in a corner thrown, 
When thy best charm — thy novelty is gone. 
How many copies, left, the seas must pass, J5 

Sent with the last year's papers to Madras ! 
How many o'er the vast Atlantic rove, 
With other Convicts bound for Sydney Cove! 
Or, what I think far better on my troth, 
Rest where they are---the bed and food of moth, 2Q 

In either situation when I see 
Thy pride thus hurt, the laugh will be with me; 
But let the Ass, if such the creature's will, 
Tumble from top to bottom of the hill. 
Perhaps some Master of a Country School, 25 

Who scarce of Latin knows a single rule, 

r 3 ] ■ 

May think five shillings not quite thrown away 
To steal from thee the Lesson of the day. 

Amongst the gaping croud, shou'd one desire 
To know your Author, or his name enquire, 30 

Say, in few words, — his Father was a Priest, 
And of the reverend Order not the least: 
A Bishop ? no : a Canon ? not so high : 
A Country Parson on a Rectory : 

A Country Parson, — but his Children's pride, 35 

That in his virtues he was dignified. 

With income, for his notions much too small, 
His Son makes out to live, and that is all : 
Inclin'd to soar, he chance a dinner gives, 
That only leads to question, how he lives: 40 

Acquaintance rather large, but nothing higher, 
Nor does he court it, than the Country Squire : 
Unfit for deeper studies, pleas'd with rhyme, 
And, from late illness, grey before his time : 

[ 4 ] 

Of middle stature, fond to bask away 
In Sun and indolence the fummer's day : 
Prone to dispute, if chance he takes a cup, 
But never known to keep resentment up. 


Shou'd one, more curious, teaze you to be told 
Exactly to a year or month how old, — 
Fifteen when GEORGE the "Third his reign begun, 
And now just entering upon Fifty one. 



S A T I 

E S 

O F 

H O R A C 

[ 6 ] 

SAT. I. Ad Mje cenate m. 

^Ulft, Macenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem, 
Sen ratio dederit, sen for s objecerit, ilia 
Content us vivat -, laudet divers a sequent es ! 

O fort una ti Merc a tores ! gravis armis 
Allies ait, mult o jam f radius membra labor e. 
Contra Mercator, navim j affiant ibus Austris, 
Militia est potior : Quid enim ? concurritur : horce 
Momento cita mors venit, aut victoria lata. 

[ 7 ] 

VS. "i'Sfv SS. .u-^-i<ssv*s> 



OTRANGE, that the various extended field 
Of human search, should no contentment yield ! 
As strange, that men a preference fhou'd give 
To any kind of Life than that they live ! 

Ask of yon Soldier , why he quits his arms? t 

Tir'd, he will say, of War and War's alarms ; 
Let me, a peaceful Merchant, cross the Seas, 
Secure to gain a fortune, and with ease. 
The Merchant, when the threatening billows roar, 
Vows he'll enlist, if once he reach the shore. 10 

Far better chance he thinks at once to die, 
Or triumph in the joys of Victory. 

[ 8 ] 
Agricolam laudat yuris leguraque peritus, 
Sub Galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat 
Ilk, dalis vadibus, qui rure extra&us in urbem est. 
Solos felices invent es clam at in urbe. 
Cater a dc genere hoc, adeo sunt multa, loquacem 
Delassare v a lent Fabium. ..*,... 

Ne te morer, audi 

£hw rem deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego, die at 
J 'am faciam quod vultis , en's tu, qui modo miles, 
Mercator: tu consult us modo, rusticus: hinc-vos, 
Vos bine, mutatis discedite partibus ; 

[ 9 ] 

The learned Counsel, wak'd at earlier hour, 

Rises indeed, but in a temper sour, 

Give me a Farm exclaims, and then for me 15 

Who will may plead the Cause— -nay— take the Fee. 

The Clown, whom business up to London calls, 

In gaping wonder scarce mall see «S/. Paul's 

Before he cries, if town such joys can give, 

In this fine city ever let me live. 20 

The like examples, if we wanted more, 

Might be produced and quoted by the score. 

Jove* once thought fit with infinite good-nature 
T'indulge this humour of his favourite creature; 
And first, to please the Soldier, — "There's a ship, 25 

" To Afric or the Indies take a trip : 
" The Merchant willing to your wish will yield, 
" And take your post of danger in the field. 
ct You Lawyer, when you like, your gown resign, 
" Turn Farmer, tend your flocks and feed your swine. 30 
" You Rustic, may the odious country quit, 
" Dash up to town, and live the envied Cit." 


[ io ] 


Quid! statist Nolint. Atqui licet esse beatus* 
Quid causa est, mcrito quin illis "Jupiter ambas 
Iratus buccas injiet, neque sefore posthac 
Tamfacilem dicat, votis ut prabeat aurem ? 

Prater eo : ne sic, ut qui j ocular ia, ride/2 s 
Percurram : quanquam ridentem dicere verum 
Quid vet at ? ut pueris olim dant crustula blandi 
"DoBores, element a veliut ut discere prima, 
Sed tamen amoto quae ramus seria ludo. 

Ilk, gravem duro terram qui vertit aratro, 
Perjidus hie caupo, miles, nautaque per omne 
Audaces mare qui currunt, hdc ?nente laborem 
Seseferre, series ut in otia tuta recedant, 
Aiunt, quum sibi sint congesta cibaria: ...... 



Parvula (nam exemplo est J magnijormica laboris 

I » 1 

Now for the bustling change,— -by gracious Heaven! 
Not one accepts the offer when 'tis given. 
The God, as well he might, in anger swore 35 

Ne'er to regard their fickle wishes more. 

But not to treat my subject as in jest, 
Though truth in laughing may be well express'd, 
As* oft the boy will quicker learn at school 
From humorous fable, than from graver rule; 40 

Jesting, however, may be out of time, 
And serious things demand a serious rhyme. 

Ask him, who o'er the plough, from dawn of day 
Till evening dark, wiil bend his weary way ; 
Ask the brisk Tar, who dares the stormy main, 45 

And quits domestic joys for distant gain ; 
Ask Lawyer, Soldier, What the general aim 
Of their pursuits ? They all reply the same : 
All cry, " In toils and dangers we engage 
" To gain a decent competence for age." 50 


Like,* for example's sake, the little Ant, 
Who, timely guarding against future want, 

t 12 J 

Ore trahit quodcunque potest, at que addit acervo 
%uem struit, baud ignara ac non incauta futuri ' ; 


Quce, simul inversum contristat Aquarius annum, 
Non usquam prorepit , & Mis utitur ante 
Quasttis fapiens ; quum te nequejervidus cestus 
Demoveat lucro, neque hyems, ignis, mare, jerrum, 
Nil obstet tibi, dum ne sit te ditior alter. 

Quidjuvat immensum te argent i pondus et auri 
Furtim defossd timidum deponere terra $ 


Quod, si comminuas, vllem redi^atur ad assem. 

I 13 ] 

Colle&ing as she goes, will onward creep, 
And add each morsel to the rising heap. 


Who, when she finds her labors at a stand, 55 

Wisely lies by, and spends the stock in hand ; 

Secure, when Winter's binding frosts are o'er, 

With the returning warmth of getting more. 

But, Sir ! is this the happy, frugal Ant, 

Never to rest, yet ever live in want ? 60 

To bear extremes, like you, of cold and dearth, 

Only to be the richest wretch on earth ? 

For gain,-— through fire, throughs words you force your way, 

Defy the rocks, and tempt the raging fea : 

Nor, though the wintry storm (hou'd round you roar, 65 

Wou'd wish in humble safety to be poor. 

Strange the enjoyment, sure, that can redound 
From treasures slyly buried under ground ! 


But if you touch it, once begin to spend, 

Grain follows grain, and soon your heap will end, 70 

f 14 ] 

H R AT. 

At ni id fit, quid habct pulchri construcius acervus % 

Milia frumenti tua triverit area centum ; 

Non tuus hoc capiat venter plus ac meus : ut si 

Reticulum panis venules inter onusto 

Forte vebas burner o, nihib plus accipias quam 

Qui nil port dr it. Vel die, quid refer at, intra 

"Natures fines viventis, jugera centum, an 

Milk aret ? 


...,.:.. At suave est de magna toller e acervo. 

HO RA r. 

Dum ex parvo nobis tantundem haurire relinquas, 
Cur tua plus laudes cumeris granaria nostris P 
Ut, tibi si sit opus liquidi non ampliiis urnd, 
Vel cyatho, ac die as \ Magna dejlumine tnalim 
Quam ex hoc fionticulo tantundem sumere. Eofit, 
Plenior ut si quos dele 51 et copiajusto, 

t is ] 


Truce from such monstrous reasoning, Sir ! a truce j 
For if not spend it where can be its use ? 
Granted the produce of your threshing floor 

Is ten times mine but will you eat the more ? 

Home from the market, and through very fear 75 

Your Slave fhou'd rob it, your own basket bear ; 

Your Slave, with all the burthen thrown on you, 

Will eat as much, — as much enjoy it too : 

Regard indeed sufficiency alone, 

And what's an hundred Acres more than one ? 80 

That single Acre, if it be but mine, 

Who will may plough the other ninety nine. 


Aye, but what pleasure must the thought afford, 
To take, though little, from an endless hoard ! 


Leave me the measure that my wants will fill, 85 

And boast the Corn of JEgy pt if you will. 

So if you want to drink, despise a Flask, 

And beg your Landlord to produce his Cask ; 

Or fay at once, if thirsty, you'd decline 

To taste a smaller current than the Rhine : 90 

[ 16 ] 

Cum ripd simul avulsos ferat Aujidus acer : 

At qui tantull cget, quantum est opus, is neque liftio 

Turbatam haurit aquam, nee vitam a mi t tit in undis. 

At bona pars hominum deccpta cupidiuejalso, 

Nil satis est, inquit ; quia tanti, quantum habeas, sis a 

Quid 'facias illi F jubeas miserum esse, libenter 

Quatenus idfacit : ut quidam memoratur Athenis 

Sordidus ac dives, populi contem?2ere voces 

Sic solitus : Popu/us me sibilat ; at mihi plaudo 

Ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in area. 

Tantalus a labris sitiens fugientia capiat 
Flumina< Quid? rides! Mutato nomine, de te 

t 17 ] 

"Pis but that passion for immoderate drink 
By which so many daily drown and sink : 
Who to the shallow brook resorts, no fear 
Oi drowning knows, and drinks his water clear. 

But some, nay many, hold that no degree 95 

Of Fortune upon earth too large can be ; 
Because the world in general will rate 
Your worth and consequence by your estate. 
Now this absurd opinion what can cure ? 
The Moralist must leave it to be sure : 100 

Must leave such creatures to enjoy a bliss 
(Since they will have it one) no more than this: 
A wretch at Athens scarce cou'd (hew his face 
In public, but was hiss'd from place to place, 
" Hiss on, my Boys," he cries, " whilst I but tell 105 

" The Guineas in my Closet, all is well." 

Sad Tantalus, for ever doom'd to strain 
His burning throat for water, but in vain ; — 
But what, you'll say, with Tantalus to do ? 
My Story, Sir, wou'd well apply to you : no 

r is ] 

Fabula narratur, Congestis undique saccis 
Indormis inhians, et tajiquam par cere sacris 
Cogens, aut piclis tanquam gander e tabellis. 

Nescls quo valeat nummus f quern prcebeat usum 

Panis ematur, olus, vim sextarius -, adde 

£>ueis humana sibi doleat ?iatura negatis. 

An vigilare metu exanimefn, noEiesque diesque 

Formidare malosfures, hicendia, servos, 

Ne te compile nt fugientes ; bocjuvatf Horum 

Semper ego optdrim pauper rimus esse bonorum t 


At si condoluit tentatum f rigor e corpus, 

[ 19 1 

Indeed the cases are so much the same, 

'Tis hardly worth my while to change the name. 

For what more tantalizing than to keep 

The eyes wide ope that want to go to sleep ? 

To see the object of your wish at hand, 115 

But see it -a devoted Deodand ! 

To grasp the Gilding, only, for the Ore ! 
For in your hands a Guinea is no more. 

The ufe of money fure you cannot know- 
Buy then the comforts money will bestow; 120 
Whatever hits your taste, by my advice, 
If nature wants it, never stop at price. 
If to be sleepless through continued fright, 
Afraid of thieves by day, of fire by night, 
Afraid your trustiest slave may run away 125 
And with some conscious Gang divide the prey; 
If these of riches are the blessings thought, 
Ye Gods ! may Horace ne'er be worth a Groat. 


But shou'd my health by accident decline, 

Th' advantage then, good Sir, is clearly mine : 130 

[ 2° ] 

Aut alius lec~io casus te ad/ixit; babes qui 
Adsideat, /omenta paret, medicum roget, ut te 
Suscitet, ac natis reddat carisque propinquis. 

no r a r„ 

Non uxor salvum te vu/t, non films; omnes 
Vicini oderunt, noti, pueri, at que puellte. 
Miraris, quum tu argento post omnia ponas^ 
Si nemo prcvstet quern non merearis amor em f 
At t si cognatos nullo, Natura } labore, 
Quos tibi dat, retinere velis servareque amicos s 
lnfelix operam per das ; tit si quis ascllum 
In campo doc eat parent em currere jrctnis. 

JDenique sit finis queer endi: quitmque babeas pius 5 
Pauperiem nietuas minus; et finire labor em 
IncipiaSy par to quod avebas: ne facias quod 
TJmmidius qui tarn (non longa est fiabu/aj dives 

[ 21 ] 

This, to keep up my spirits close attends, 
That, in a hurry to the Dodor sends ; 
" Haste, my dear Doctor, haste to save a life, 
?< So dear to friends, to family, and wife." 


Your wife, your son, your friends, so seeming civil, 13$ 

Believe me, Sir ! all wish you at the Devil ; 

No not a neighbour, not a child wou'd sigh, 

Of all that met your funeral passing by : 

And can you wonder, when to you, your Gold 

Is dearer than their friendship ten times tola ? 140 

But if you wish to keep a needy Crew 

Of Friends dependent, and your money too, 

Attempt at once to ride the restive Ass, 

And make him for a manag'd Courser pass : 

Nay enter him to carry twenty stone, 14c 

And beat Eclipse, by all that odds to one. 

In better humour now to speak, my friend 
You've got enough, of gettin * m ike ?n end : 
Nor be the character I now shall give, 
Of one, you'll say, not fit on earth to live. ! - Q 

[ 22 ] 

Ut metiretur nummos, it a sordidus ut se 
Non unquam servo melius vestiret ad usque 
Supremum tempus, ne se penuria villus 
Cpprimeret, metuebat: at hunc liber t a securi 
Divisit medium, fortissima Tyndariarumo 


^uid mi igitur suades ? ut vivam Mcvnius ? ac sic, 
Vt Nomentanus f 


Pergis pugnantia secum 

Frontibus adversis componere. Non ego, avarum 
Quum veto te fieri, vappam jubeo ac nebutonem. 
Est inter Tanain quiddam socerumque Viselli. 
Est modus in rebus -, stmt certi denique fines \ 
Quos ultra, citraque nequit consistere recJum. 

[ 23 ] 

Dancer,* possess'd of such enormous treasure, 

That he cou'd count it only by the measure - } 

As if, to buy a better coat unable* 

Dress'd like the meanest Ostler in a Stable ; 

Fear'd to the latest moment of his breath, j$£ 

That he shou'd live to want, and starve to death. 

The generous fellow, though against the laws, 

Who knock'd him on the head, deserv'd applause, 


What wou'd you have me do then ? Take to play* 

Or make, in riot, all I have away ? 1 60 


This, Sir ! is not to reason, but unite 

Things just as opposite as black and white* 

When against avarice I point my theme, 

Do I advise the contrary extreme ? 

Who dreads the Miser's hated name to take, 165 

Need not turn Spendthrift, or commence the Rake ; : 

Sure there's a course, and easy to explore, 

Betwixt an E/-w--s, and a B-ry-?n-re. 

In all things there's a medium, from whence 

Not to depart* is virtue, bliss, and sense, 170 

[ H ] 

Illuc, unde abii, redeo. Neman ut avarus 

Se probet, ac pot i us laudet divers a sequent es ? 

Quodque aliena capella gerat distentius uber, 

Tabescat ? neque se mcliori pauperiorum 

lurbce comparet $ hunc at que hunc super are labor et $ 

Sic festinanti semper locupletior obstat : 

Ut quum carceribus missos rapit ungula currus ; 

Ins tat equis auriga suos vincentibus, ilium 

Prateritum temnens extremos inter euntem. 

Inde fit, ut raro, qui se vixisse beatum 
Dicat, et exaclo contentus tempore, vita 
Cedat uti conviva satur, reperire queamus. 

f 2 5 1 
But* to the point again, at which I meant 
To treat in general terms of discontent. 
Perhaps the Miser does not stand alone, 
Thus vex'd and discontented with his own j 
For do not envy and ambition's aim 27^ 

Conduce to human misery the same ? 
Is he not full as wretched who can bear 
No other to succeed, no rival near ? 
Despising that beneath him, all on fire 
To pass the next, and get the station higher? 180 

But let him climb and labour what he will, 
He sees some greater man to envy still. 
Thus in the race, though only one can win^ 
Yet no one cares to come the second in ; 
No one will cast a look behind, to see 1 8^ 

The riders further from the post than he. 

*Tis from these various passions, human life 
Is such a scene o f discontent and strife ; 
From which the Actor very rare withdraws 
Pleas'd, or with other's, or his own applause ; 190 


[ 26 ] 

'Jam satis est : ne me Crispini scrinia Up pi 
Compildsse putes, verbum non ampliiis addam. 

[ 27 ] 

Scarce ever, like the satiated guest, 

In humour with his day, retires to rest. 

No more of this, lest haply you shou'd think 
I stole, or dipp'd my pen in Tr—sf--r's Ink. 

t 2 8 ] 

aS^T 5 . 7/7. Ad M MCE N A? EM. 

OMNIBUS hoc vitium est cantoribus, inter amicos 
TJt nunquam inducant animum cantare rogati ; 
Injussi nunquam desistant. Sardus habebat 
llle Tigellius hoc : Cassar, qui cogere posset , 
Si peteret per amicitiam patris at que suam, non 
Quidquam proficeret : Si collibuisset, ab ovo 
Usque ad mala iteraret, 16 Bacche, modo summa 
Voce, modo hac, resonat quce chordis quatuor ima> 

Nil ce quale homini fuii illi : s<?pe vehtt qui 
Currebat fugiens he sic my per s ape ve/ut qui 
Junonis sacra ferret : habebat sczpe ducentos, 

t 29 ] 

S AT. III. To Maecenas. 

WHO with a song his friends can well amuse, 

If ask'd, is almost certain to refuse -, 

But take no notice-— he will sit and hum, 

Till you cou'd wish him in another room. 

'Twas thus with Prateus,—urgG him but to sing, £ 

No ! not a single note, to please the King ; 

If in the humour,-'-- you were hardly able 

To speak, or hear each other cross the table -, 

From bass to treble, high as he cou'd go, 

He'd stun you with " Hark forward! Tailio !" 10 

'Twere endless all his oddities to name, 
For, life throughout, he never was the same. 
Sometimes he'd run, as if the beat of drum 
Announc'd that all the Dutch and French were come; 

[ 3° ] 

Safe decern servos; modo reges at que tetrarchar, 
Omnia magna loqucns -, modo, Sit mihi mensa tripes, el 
Concha salis puri, et toga qua: defender e frigns 
guamvis crassa queat. Decies centcna dedisses 
Huic par co, paucis contento, quinque die bus 
Nil erat in loculis. Nocles vigilabat ad ipsum 
Mane ; diem tot urn stertebat: Nilfuit unquam 
Sic impar sibi 

Nunc aliquis dicat mihi ; Quid tu ? 

Nullane habes vitia ? Imb alia, et fort ass e minora, 

L Si 1 

Then halt, and settle on a pace so slow 1 5 

As scarce wou'd follow up a funeral shew. 

To day — ten footman smart in livery suits, 

To morrow — not a boy to clean his boots ; 

To day — of knowing kings and princes vain, 

To morrow — talking in this altered strain; 20 

" Give me but bread and cheese, far better fare, 

" Than living with a prince, or prince's heir : 

" And as for coat, it matters not how old 

" Or coarse, if 'twill but fence against the cold." 

With all this temperance, in three days hence 25 

A thousand pounds wou'd dwindle down to pence. 

For times and seasons, 'twas his great delight, 

To change the order of the day and night ; 

All night awake, and sitting up at play; 

Supine asleep and snoring all the day. 30 

There never was, and never will, I ween, 

Be such an inconsistent creature seen. 

Now some may ask, and with much justice too, 
" And, pray Sir ! are there then no faults in you ? " 
Yes — perhaps, many; and my stars I'll bless, jr 

If, in comparison, they shou'd be less, 

I 3* 1 

M asnius absentem Novium qaum carper et : Heas tu t 
Quidam ait, ignoras te f an ut ignotam dare nobis 
Verba putas f Egomet mi ignosco, Maenius inquit* 

Stultus et hnprobus hie amor est, dignusque notari, 

Quiim tua prcetereas oculis male lippus inuntfis, 

Cur in amicorum vitiis tarn cernis acutum, 

Quam aut aquila, ant serpens Epidaurius ? At tibi contra. 

Evenit, inqnirant vitia ut tua rursus et Mi* 

Iracundior est paulo ; minus aptus acutis 
Naribus horum hominum : rideri possit, eo quod 
Rusticius tonso toga dejiuit, et male laxus 

[ 32 ] 

Mcenlus, his absent friend must scandalize; — 
" Hold," cries another, " open your own eyes ; 
" Are you so perfect, that you find no room 
" For blame or censure, when you look at home ?" 40 

Manias, (that such a character shou'd live !) 
Replies, — " My own defects, Sir ! 1 forgive." 

This partial judgment is a grand offence 
'Gainst candour, decency, and common sense : 
For tell me, when you look with eye askew, 45 

And your own faults indeed will hardly view ; 
Into your neighbour's shou'd you pry so far, 
And strain your sight, like Herschel 'at a star ? 
No, Sir ! nor is it prudent in the main, 
For they will look as sharp at you again. ro 

Your friend, perhaps, can hardly stand a jest, 
Or goes, we'll say, too negligently dress'd : 
So careless, that you can but smile to see 
Buckles, in make and metal disagree ; 

Unshav'd, unpowder'd, and in such a coat, 55 

You well may doubt if made for him or not ; 


r 34 ] 

In pede calceus hceret. At est bonus, ut melior *vir 
Non alius quisquam ; at tibi amicus ; at ingenium ingens 
Inculto latet hoc sub corpore 

. , Denique teipsum 

Concute, num qua tibi vitiorum inseverit olim 
Natura, aut etiam consuetudo mala : iiamque 
NeglecJis urendafilix innascitur agris. 

Jlluc prcevertamur, amatorem quod amicce 
lurpia decipiunt ccecum vitia, aut etiam ipsa hcec 
DekcJant-, veluti Balbinum polypus Hagnoe. 
Vellem in amicitid sic errare?nus, et isti 
Errori nomen Virtus possuisset ho fie stum. 

At, pater ut ?iati, sic nos debemus amici, 
Si quod sit vitium, nonfastidire. Strabonem 

t 35 ] 

You laugh again, and wonder how he goes 

In such a loose, ill fitting pair of shoes. 

But who then is he ? — Why, a better man 

You'll never find, look for him where you can : 60 

Of first rate sense — and, more to recommend, 

To you, a generous and a steady friend. 

Examine then yourself — perhaps you'll find 
Nature, in some things, has not been too kind : 
But at the best, you fairly may expect 65 

To find some faults arising from neglect : 
For slack the tillage that your field requires, 
And the rank soil produces weeds and briars. 

The shorter method and the best, may prove, 
To see as partial, as we see in Love -, 70 

Where* to the gentle loving Strepbons eye 
A little twist is no deformity : 
In friendship but admit the same mistake, 
What firm and lasting friendships wou'd it make ! 

But let us copy (for that is not hard) nr 

The partial judgment of the Sires regard : 

[ 36 ] 

yippellat Pee turn pater -> et Pulhim male parvus 
Si cuijilius est, ut abortivus juit olim 
Sisyphus ; bunc Varum, distortis cruribus: ilium 
Balbutit Scaurum, talis fultum male pravis. 

Parcius hie vivit : frugi dicatur. Ineptus- 
Et jadlantior hie pan to est; concinnus amicis 
Postulat ut videatur. At est truculentior, atque 
Plus tequo liber-, simplex for tis que habeatur. 
Caldior est ; acres ititer numeretur . Opinor, 
Hcec res et jungit, junclos et servat amicos. 

At nos virtutes ipsas invertimus, atque 

t 37 J 

Has he a Son that looks too much awry ? 

" 'Tis but a pleasing archness in his eye." 

Is he like Borow/aski, short and small ? 

" 'Tis true the pretty poppet is not tall." 80 

If bandy legg'd, " He's not exactly strait." 

Whole footed, " Rather awkward in his gait." 

So for ourselves, If chance our friend should be, 

In parting with his money not so free; 

To put this best construction let us try, — S$ 

" He has his motives for oeconomy." 

Does he love boasting ? crack a silly jest ? 

" He means to entertain, and 'tis his best." 

Bat he is blunt: Say 'tis dislike of art, 

And the plain frankness of an honest heart. 90 

Is he too choleric ? " Oh no, 'tis spirit ; 

" For after all, good nature is his merit." 

Thus shou'd we gain and keep our friends with ease, 

Pleas'd both with them, and sure ourselves to please. 

But we, oh shame ! with base inverted mind 95 

Even with virtues strive our faults to find. 

[ 3§ 3 

Sincerum cupimus vas incrustare. Probus quis 
Nobiscum vivit, mult urn demissus homo: Mi 
Tar do ac cognomen pingui damns. Hie fugit omnes 
Insidias, nullique malo latus obdit apertum, 
Quum genus hoc inter vita? versemur, (ubi acris 
Invidia, atque vigent ubi crimina,J pro bene sano 
Ac ?zon incautOy Jiclum astutumque vocamus. 
Simplicior quis et est, (qualem me scepe libenter 
Obtulerim tibi, Maecenas, J ut forte legentem, 
Aut taciturn appellet quovis sermone moles tus; 
Communi sensu plane caret , inquimus , , 

E&eu ! 

Quam temere in tiosmet legem sancimus iniquam ! 
Nam vitiis fiemo sine nascitur : optimus ille est, 
Qui minimis urgetur 

I 39 ] 

And, whilst with envy's jaundic'd eyes we view, 

Make the bright object look discolor'd too. 

Lives there a man, of conduct just and right, 

But of abilities not over bright ; ioo 

Modest, or much reserv'd — we join at once 

To call him lifeless and unmeaning dunce. 

Lives there another, of abundant care 

To shun the villainous Informer s snare * 

(And 'faith the present traiterous times are such 105 

You cannot be upon your guard too much) 

In him, who thus but acts a prudent part, 

We see suspicion vile, and deep laid art. 

Shou'd the poor Vicar, or the Man of Rhyme 

Call on his Patron at improper time ; no 

Tho' neither meant to give the least offence, 

'Tis deemed at once, a want of common sense. 

Alas ! how ready to invent and make 
The very laws which we ourselves must break : 
For no one lives, but shares in some degree 115 

The faults and follies of humanity. 
Happy the man ! — yes, happiest he and best, 
Not, who is sinless, — but, who sins the least. 

[ 4° ] 

.., Amicus dulcis, ut ccquum est, 

Cum me a compenset v it its bona, pluribus hisce 
(Si modb plura mihi bona sunt) inclinet, amari 
Si volet : hac lege in trutind ponetur eddem. 
Qui, ne tuberibus propriis qff'endat amicurn, 
Postulat ; ignoscet verrucis illius. JEquum est 
PecCatis veniam poscentem redder e rursus. 

Denique, quatenus excidi penitus litium irce 9 
C cetera item nequeunt stultis hcerentia; cur non 
Ponderibus modulisque suis ratio utttur ? ac, res 
Ut quceque est, it a suppliciis delicla coercet f 
Si quis ewn servum, patinam qui t oiler e jussus 
Seme sos pisces tepidumque ligurierit jus, 
In cruce suffigat ; Labeone insanior inter 
Sanos dicatur. Quanta hocjuriosius, atque 
Majus pcccatum est ? paulum deliquit amicus ; 

f 4i ] 

But let my friend, it is but justice due, 
Weigh both my vices and my virtues too : 120 

And shou'd my virtues happily prevail, 
Approve me in the meritorious scale : 
On this condition, he is sure to see 
The same indulgent temper reign in me. 
Who hopes his own defects may not offend, 125 

Must wave defects inherent in his friend ; 
And, if we wish in harmony to live, 
Who wants allowance, must allowance give. 

But after all, 'tis past our power we find 
To root out angry passions from the mind : 130 

Let reason then her equal scales produce, 
And regulate her laws by human use. 
Shou'd you the boy, who, carrying off the dish, 
Presum'd to taste a morsel of the fish, 

Kill in a passion, take it for a rule, 13 5 

The world wou'd call you madman or a fool. 
Now how much nearer to the man of sense 
Are you, so ready on the least offence 
To shun your friend, and cruelly resent 
Affronts, most likely, that he never mean? j 140 


[ 42 ] 

Quod nisi concedas, habeare insuaiis ; acerbus 
Odisti et jugis, ut Rusonem debitor czris ; 
Qui nisi, quiim tristes misero venere Calendar, 
Mercedem aut nummos unde unde extricat, amaras 
PorreElo Jugulo bistorias, captivus ut, audit. 

Comminxit leStum potus ; mensdve catillum 
Evandri manibus tritum dejecit ; ob banc rem, 
Aut post turn ante med quia pullum in parte catini 
Sustu/it esuriens, minus hoc jucundus amicus 
Sit mibi ? Quid faciam, furtum si fecerit, aut si 
Prodiderit commissajide, sponsumve negarit ? 

Queis paria esse fere placuit peccata, laborant, 

Cum ventum ad verum est : sensur moresque repugnant. 

At que ipsa utiiitas, justi prope mater et cequi. 

[ 43 ] 

Look with reserve, in haste his presence quit, 

As if he came to serve a Sheriffs writ : 

Avoid him, as the fearful debtor shuns 

His scribbling creditor, who worse than duns $ 

For, if he fails in payment at the day, 145 

Condemn'd he sits to hear him read his play. 

My friend had drank too much, and rose, 'twas said, 
From damper sheets, than when he went to bed; 
At breakfast, blundered down a china bowl, 
Which breaks a favorite set, and spoils the whole; 150 

At dinner, in the strangest hungry way, 
Snatch'd both my chicken and my plate away : 
Such trifling things as these, Sir ! shall I deem 
Sufficient faults, to lessen my esteem ? 

Had he broke ope, and pillag'd my 'scrutore, 1 55 

Broke his most solemn vows — I cou'd no more. 

Who for equality of crimes contend, 
Cannot support their doctrine to the end ; 
'Tis against sense, and be it understood, 
The maxim is against the public good. 160 

[ 44 ] 

Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, 
Mutum ac turpe pecus, glandem at que cubilia propter \ 
Vnguibus et pugnis, deinfustibus, at que it a porro 
Pugnabant armis, qua post fabricaverat usus : 
Donee verba , quibiis voc> s sensusque notarent, 
Nominaque invenere : debinc absistere hello, 
Oppida cceperunt mwiire, et ponere leges, 
Ne quisfur esset, neu latro, neu quis adulter, 
Namfuit ante Helenam Mulier teterrima belli 
Causa : sed ig?totis perierunt mortibus illi, 
Quos Venerem incertam rapientes more fer arum 
Viribus editior cadebat, ut in grege taunts. 

C 45 3 

What time the race of mortals after birth, 
Crept from the cradle of their parent earth, 
But little better than the brutes they rose 
And settl'd right and property by blows. 
At first with fists and claws, their weapons rude, 165 

They fought for caves and for their acorn food : 
Next clubs were us'd, 'till more progressive art 
Produc'd the sword, the spear, and missile dart : 
A nobler science, after ages teach, 

Gave birth to words, and cloath'd their thoughts with speech? 
Hence ripening wisdom bade contention cease, 
Erected towns, and taught the arts of peace : 
Then laws were fram'd, the thief and murderer's dread, 
And justice guarded the connubial bed. 

For long ere He/en, Woman's fatal charms 175 

Embroil'd the world and set mankind in arms ; 
The weaker Lover sunk beneath the strong, 
But died unnotic'd — for he died unsung; 
Whilst, like the lowing herds, in fields and groves, 
The wand'ring Savage sought promiscuous loves. 180 

Whoe'er ascending back, from age to age, 
Explores the records of th' historic page, 

C 46 ] 

Jura invent a metu Injustl fate are nee esse est, 

Tempora si fast os que veils evolvere :iundu 

Nee Nat ura potest jus to secernere Inlquum, 

Dlvldlt tit bona dlversls, juglenda petendls : 

Nee vlneet ratio hoc y tantumdem ut peccet Ide/nque, 

Qui teneros caules alleni fregerit bortl, 

Et qui noclurnus sacra Divum legerlt.. ...... 


Regu/a t peccatls quce pcenas Irroget aquas ; 
Ne scut led dlgnum horribili seffere Jlagello. 
Nam, ut ferula cczdas meritum tnajora sublre 
Verbera, non versor ; quum dlcas esse pares res 
Furta latroclnlls ; et magnls parva mlneris 
Fake reclsurum simili te 9 si tlbl regnum 
Per mitt ant homines 

t 47 ] 

This sure conclusion from his search must draw, 

That fear of wrong, at first gave rise to Law : 

And though, by nature's light, we well descry 185 

What things we ought to follow, what to fly; 

We never can, by simple nature's light, 

Distinguish justice from its opposite ; 

And reason never can convince me still, 

Reason as close and shrewdly as you will, 190 

That the poor boy, who chance shall break a hedge, 

To steal an apple— -commits sacrilege. 

In short, your laws with justice to dispense, 
Proportion keep 'twixt law and the offence -, 
Nor let the culprit, who deserves to feel 19JJ 

The beadle's lash, be broke upon the wheel. 
That you shou'd ease his penalties or pains, 
I need not fear, if you shou'd hold the reins ; 
Since in degrees of crimes, or great or small, 
You don't allow a difference at all ; 200 

Vow, if the nation wou'd but make you king. 
Who murders, or who robs, alike shou'd swing. 

C 4S ] 

Si Jives, qui sapiens est, 

Et sutor bonus, et solus formosus, et est rex -, 
Cur optas quod babes ? Non nosti quid pater, inquit* 
Chrysippus dicat ; Sapiens crepidas sibi numquam 
Nee soleas fecit : sutor tamen est sapiens. 

HO rat. 

tit, quamvis facet Hermqgene*, cantor tamen at que 
Optimus est modulator ; ut Alfenus vafer, omni 
Abjeclo instrument artis, clausdque tabernd, 
Tonsor erat ; sapiens open's sic optimus omnis 
Est op if ex solus, - - - sic rex 

[ 49 ] 

But why the wish ? If what you say be true, 
Already, every inch a king are you. 

The wise man, so your doctrine seems to say, 205 

Is rich, though for his coat he cannot pay : 
The wise man, if I understand the thing, 
You hold to be both Ccbler and a King. 
But you contend, your favorite bent to praise, 
I quite mistake what sage Cbrysippus says ; 2 10 

For though the wise man does not keep the shop, 
Still of the Crispins he may be the top. 
Your reasoning is too subtle for my brain, 
So, if you please, good Sir ! the sense explain. 


'Tis* thus — Though Siddons from the house shou'd stay, 2 1 5 

She's our first Actress, though she does not play : 

Alike the Pall-mall Cobler, who of late 

Left mending Shoes, to vamp and botch the State ; 

Call him Reformer, Patriot, what you will, 

Is but a Cobler, and a poor one still. 220 

The wise man thus, may call himself a King, 

A Cobler, Barber, Taylor, any thing, 


[ 5° ] 

11 R A r. 

Vellunt tibi bar bam 

JLascivi pueri, quos tu nisi juste coerces , 
Urgeris turbo, circiim te sta/ite, miserque 
Rumperis et fatras, magnorum maxime regum* 

Ne longum faciam -, dum tu quadrante lavatum 
Rex ibis, neque te quisquam stipator, ineptum 
Prater Crispinum, seBabitur -, et rnihi dukes 
Jgnoscent, si quid peccdro stultus, amtci; 
Jnque vicem illorum patiar delic'ta hbenter, 
Rrhatusque magis vivam te rege beat us. 

i s« 1 


Still I suspect, thou mighty Stoic prince ! 

The boys may pluck your beard, and make you wince ! 

Yes, pluck that reverend beard, unless your stick 225 

Shou'd make the urchins of their frolick sick ; 

Whilst the surrounding mob enjoy the fun, 

Encourage the attack, and cry " Well done." 

Whilst you, dread Sir ! shall to your cellar go 
And rule your penny club, a king below ; 230 

Let me my friend's deiects with temper see, 
And they the same indulgence shew to me $ 
Then, private as 1 am, I'll happier live 
Than you, with all that Majesty can give, 

■ r •■ ,■■> 

l s* ) 



IB A M forte via sacra (sicut meus est mosj 
Nescio quid meditans nugarum, totus in Mis : 
Accurrit quidam notus mihi nomine tantum, 
Arreptdque manu : Quid agis, dulcissime rerum ? 
Suaviter, ut nunc est, inquam : et cupio omnia qua? vis, 
Quum asseflaretur : Numquid vis ? occupo. At ilk : 
Noris nos, inquit : do5ii swnus. Hie ego, Pluris 
Hoc, inquam, mihi eris 

[53 1 

•*"►•* ^^•«^^<^:*::^<^^^^^t^^^><^:::::;^>|gl^i>j)-i>-«"<"-i"-««--«" 


MUS'D, as usual, in my morning walk 
/ith trifling thoughts, and to myself in talk; 
Not quite a Stranger, for I knew his name, 
And that was all, abrupt upon me came: 
Seizes my hand — " My dearest Sir ! what you ? r 

" Well, I rejoice to see you, how d'ye do ? " 
Why, for the present, happy in the main ; 
And, Sir ! I wish as much to you again. 
When he still follow'd close, I cou'd but say™ 
Business of any kind with me this way f 10 

" No, Sir ! not any; — what you know so well, 
" That I'm a Critic, is no news to tell." 
A Critic ! — then upon the Critic s score, 
I cannot but respeel your person more. 

f 54 ] 

Miser e discedere qua r ens ^ 

Ire modb ocius, interdum consistere t in aurem 
Discere nrscio quid puero, Quum sudor ad imos 
Manaret tabs : O te, Bolane, cerebri 
Felicem ! aiebam tacit us 

Quum quidlibet ilk 

Garriret : vicos, urbem laudaret ; Ut illi 
Nil respondebam : Miser e cupis, inquit-, abire j 
Jamdudum video : sed nil agis : usque tenebo, 
Prosequar hinc, quo nunc iter est tibi. Nil opus est te 
Circumagi ; quendam volo visere non tibi notum ; 
Trans Tiberim longe cubat is, prope Caesaris hortos. 

[ 55 1 

Anxious above all measure to get clear, 15 

I whisper'd something in my Servant's ear ; 
One minute ran, another, almost stood, 
To leave, or let him pass me, if he wou'd : 
But all in vain— -without remorse he prates, 
Praises the Town, the Churches, and the Streets ; 20 

'Till quite worn out with his eternal talk, 
And sweating with vexation and my walk, 
Oh ! how I long'd to tell him what I thought, 
And speak like Dr. Johnson* to a Scot, 

To all his chat, so trifling and absurd, 25 

When he perceiv'd I answer'd not a word, 
" Come, my good Sir!" says he; " I plainly see 
" You want to leave me most confoundedly; 
«' But not a step without me, — I'll attend 
" And see you safely at your journey's end." 30 

Tour most obedient 1— but, good Sir! 1 pray 
Dont let me take you so -much from your way : 
I have to cross the River \ and beside 
May have to wait the rising of the Tide ; 

My friend then lives a mile and half) or two, n 5 

Up in the Country, and unknown to you. 

[ 56 ] 

Nil habeo quod agam, et non sum piger ; usque sequar fe. 
Demitto auriculas, ut iniquce mentis ase/lus, 
£>uum gravius dor so subiit onus 

• Incipit ille 

Si bene me novi, non Viscum pluris amicum, 
Non V arium facie s : nam quis me scribere p lures, 
Aut a tins possit versus f quis membra mover e 
Molliiis f Invideat quod et Hermogenes, ego canto. 

Interfellandi locus hie erat. Est tibi mater, 

Cognati, queis te salvo est opus ? Haud mihi quisquam : 

Omnes composui. ..„...,. 

[ 57 ] 

u As for the distance, Sir,---I'm quite at leisure^ 

u To wait is nothing, and the walk 's a pleasure.' 5 

No Ass o'erloaded with both panniers full, 

Cou'd hang his ears, more vicious or more dull* 40 

t( If I mistake not, Sir, in me you'll find, 
Exactly the companion to your mind. 
In solid sense, or livelier flights of wit 
A match for Fox, for Sheridan, or Pitt : 
If numberless and hasty verses shew it, 45 

Peter himself is not a better poet : 
Of other graces, dancing is my forte, 
In which I yield to no one Lord at court • 
And for a song, I'll venture to engage, 
I beat the finest voice on either stage." $® 

'Twas art odd question truly — but my man 
Here made a moment's pause, and I began. 
Pray, Sir ! no mother, family, or friends, 
Whose welfare on your health perhaps depends ? 
€e No, thanks to Heaven ! not a living soul — £§ 

<f The one I burned last, wound up the whole." 


[ S* ] 

Felices ! nunc ego res to ; 

Con/ice : namque instat fatum mihi triste^ Sabella 
Quod puero cecinit mot a dyoina anus urna : 
Hunc neque dira venena, neque Posticus aujeret ensis, 
Nee later um dolor, aut tussis, ?iec tarda podagra ; 
G arrul us hunc quando consume t cunque : loquaces, 
Si sapiaty vitety simul atque adoleverit cctas. 

Ftn turn erat ad Vestae, quart a jam parte diet 

Prceterita ; et casu tunc respondere vadatus 

Dtbcbat ; quod nifecisset, perdere litem. 

.Si me amasy inquit, pauliim /Sic ades. Inteream, si 

Aut valeo stare, aut novi civilia jura: 

Et propero, quo scis. Dubius sum quidjdeiam, inquit ; 

Tene relinqua?n, an rem. Me sodes 

f 59 ] 

Oh, happy they ! thought I; 'tis all I crave, 
In mercy now dispaich me to my grave ! 
Now comes the fate a Gypsy once foreshew'd, 
When yet a child I rambl'd to Norwood. 60 

This Boy, said she, as she my palm explor'd, 
Is safe from halters, poisons, and the sword ; 
No pains from pleurisy, no bursting cough. 
Or crippling gput shall ever take him off: 
But in his Line of Death a Talker lies, 65 

Of age, he'll shun all Talkers, if he's wise. 

We now were passing opposite Guild-halt, 
Ten had just fmish'd striking by St. Paul, 
Where, as good luck wou'd have it, he was bound 
To stand a suit, or forfeit fifty pound. 70 

f Step, my dear Sir, one minute into Court, 
" (The trial, I engage, will be but short) 

" And I may thank you." Sir ! 1 nothing know 

Of Courts, and, as yon see, am hurry 'd too. 

" I feel myself now fairly on the pause, y c 

" Whether to give up you, or leave my cause." 

Oh me, no doubt — no doubt, Sir, can remain, 

And so— your humble servant once again. 

I 60 ] 

Non fact am t ilk ?■ 

Er prcecedere ccvpit. Ego, ut contendere durum 
Cum vittore, sequor* ........ 

« Miccen as q uomodo tecum % 

(Uinc repetit -,) Paucorum hominurn et mentis bene sans, 
Nemo dexterius for tuna est usus : haberes 
Magnum adjutorem, posset auiferre secundas ; 
Hunc hominem velles si tradere ; dispeream> ni 
Summosses omnes, ........ 

, Isto non vivitur iliic, 

Quo tu rere, modo. Domus hac nee purior ulla est* 

[ 6i ] 

M Well, hang the business — finish as it will, 

" I'll keep with you my last engagement still." 80 

Fairly knock'd up, and nothing more to say, 

I follow now just where he leads the way. 

Again his nonsense I am doom'd to hear — 
ft Well, Sir ! how stand you with our Minister f " 
Sir, he's a man of sense — but rather close, 8 e 

Likes but Jew friends , and very choice in those, 
" If once to play with Ministers I get, 
" Few men, perhaps, more seldom lose a hit ; 
" And what I value most in all my art, 

tc I play, as well as first, a second part, 00 

*' Hang me, if 'twou'd not answer well your end 
" To introduce me to him, as your friend : 
ft With my assistance, I'll be bound you clear 
6t The coast, and soon monopolize his ear," 

Sir 3 you mistake — mistake the matter much ; nr 

H he mode oj living there is no ways such : 
Search the whole City, and you 11 hardly see 
A house from such disorders stands more free. 

L 62 \ 

Nee magis his aliena malis : nil mi officit, inquam, 
Pitior hie, aut est quia doctior : est locus uni- 
Cuique suus 

,. , Magnum narras, vix credibile, Atqui 

Sic habet. ., 

^Accendis quare cupiam magis Hit 

'Proximus esse. Velis tantummodo, quae tua virtus, 
Expugnabis : et est qui vinci possit ; eoque 
Difficiles aditus primos habet. Hand mihi deero ? 
'Muneribus servos corrumpam -, non> hodie si 
JLxclususfuero 9 desist am : » 

[ 6 2 ] 

1 never Jind a difference between 

Myself, or any Lord that may co?ne in : job 

He knows, but never bears on me so hard, 

As to say Peter is the better Bard; 

"Each has his proper place, and each receives 

The due respecl his proper station gives, 

" Sir, you surprize — our Minister is this ? " 1 05 

Sir, you may be surpriz'd — but so it is, 

" You fire my inclinations still the more 
" To know your worthy patron than before." 
Well, Sir, you need but wish it- --for once known, 
Merit like yours must introduce alone ;■ no 

To worth he nothing can at last deny, 
And from a sense of this, at first is shy. 
*' If that's the case, depend upon 't I'll spare 
* f No kind of pains to get admission there; 
" If gold will do — as far as money goes 115 

" In bribing Servants, they shall have their dose. 
" Shou'd John, with door half open, coolly say, 
" My Master, Sir, is not at home to day 3 

r 6* 3 

Tempora queer dm 

Occurram in triviis i deducam. Nil sine magno 
Vita labor e dedit mor tali bus, < 

....... «£&?£ du?n dgit' 9 ecce 

Fuse us Aristius occurrit, mihi car us, et ilium 
Qui pulchre nosset, Consistimus, JJnde vents f et 
Quo tendis f rogat, et respondet. Feller e coepi, 
Et prensare manu lentissima bracbia, nutans, 
Distorquens oculos, ut me eriperet, Male salsus 
Ridens dissimulare : meumjecur urere bills, 
Certe nescio quid secretb velle loqui te 
Aiebas mecum. Memini bene ; sed mehori 
Tempore die am ; ho die tricesima s abb at a, Fis tu 
Curtis Judaeis oppedere f ........ 

t 65 ] 

** I'll go the next — watch all occasions, plaii 

es All schemes to shew myself his partizan j 120 

i( Attend his levees ; and if he goes out, 

" Be foremost in huzzaing him about. 

" Nothing: of moment since the world beo-un, 

" Without great labor ever yet was done." 

Just at this crisis, who shouM come in view 1 

But my friend Fuscus, who the fellow knew ; >■ 

" What ? — For a walk." — He asks and answers too. J. 
Instant I try to squeeze him by the hand, 
Attempt by nods to make him understand - f 
But not a signal wiil he see, or feel ; 1 30 

I might as well attempt to hold an eel : 
The Rogue but laughs, my awkward state to see, 
Whilst what is laugh to him, is death to me. 
Sir, when we took oar leave the other day, 
Something, not thought of then, you had to say* 
ee I well remember, but, if not a crime, 
" For business this is not a proper time. 
" ' Tis the Jew's Sabbath ; and you wou'd not chuse, 
[' Whate'er their customs, to offend the Jews ? " 


T 1 f 

t 66 ] 

Nulla mihi, inquam, 

Ileligio est. At mi ; sum paulb injirmior, iinus 
Multorum ; ignosces : alias loquar 

Him c cine so km 

"Tarn nigrum surrexe mihi? Fugit improbus, ac me 
Sub cultro Unquit 

Casu venit dbvius illi 

Adversarius ; et, quo tu turpissime P magna 
Inclamat voce, et, Licet a?itestari? Ego verb 
Oppono auriculam. Rapitinjus; clamor utrimque, 
XJndique concurs us* Sic me servavit Apollo. 

[ 6 7 ] 

'Faith Sir, I have no such scruples about me — 140 

" But Sir ! I have, to tell you honestly : 

" Call my religion weak, or over-fervent, 

" 'Tis my religion — so, your humble servant." 

Oh ! that so dark a Sun shou'd ever rise ! 
In cruel sport away the creature flies ; 145 

And leaves his friend, half worried out of life, 
To the last cut and struggle with the knife. 

The Plaintiff now came up in raging bile, 
Collar'd, and call'd him every thing that's vile : 
" Sir ! will you bear me witness, that 'tis he, 1 ro 

" The very Rogue I want ? " most willingly. 
Instant he drags the Culprit into Court ; -j 

Loud clamours rise from tongues of every sort ; > 

I walk in quiet off- --and thank Apollo for't. 

[ 68 ] 

^*c, f • }■■■ ma-— 



SAT. V. 
Ultsses. 7*1 RE 5 us. 


I'l C quoque, Ttrcsja, prater narrata, fetenti 
Respondc : quibus amissas reparare queam res 
Artibus at que modis ? %jid rides ? 

1 I REP I/IS. 

c Jamne i dokse, 

Non satis est lthacam revehi, patrhsque penates 
Aspicere ? 

v l r s s f. ?. 
On mentite, ^idcs ut 

f 69 3 


S A T. V. 
Ulysses. Tiresias. 


i HIS once, Tiresias, and but this I ask, 
Resume your friendly and prophetic task: 
How shall I act, my fortunes to repair, 
£0 shatter'd and to pieces as they are ? 


How now, sly Pilgrim ! — To your country get, 5 

Your native home — and not contented yet ? 


Prophet of Truth! — so far I own to thee 
Myself in debt, — but what is home to me ? 

f 7° 3 

Nudus inopsque domum redeo, te vate : ?ieque ilhc 
Aut apotheca prods intaBa est, aut pecus. At qui 
Et genus et virtus, nisi cum re y vilior alga est. 


Qnando pauperiem, missis amhagibus, horres : 
Accipe, qua ratione queas ditescere. Turdus, 
Sive aliud privum dabitur tibi : devo/et illuc, 
Res ubi magna nitet, domino sene : dulcia poma, 
Et quoscunque feret cult us tibi fundus honor es, 
Ante Larem gustet venerabilior Lare dives. 
Qui quamvis perjurus erit, sine gente, cruentus 
Sanguine j rater no, fugitivus ; ne tamen il/'i 
Tu comes exterior, si postulet, ire recuses* 


Vine tegam spurco Dams latus ? Hand ita Trojce 
Me gessi, cerfans semper melionbus 

I 71 ] 

Stripp'd, as you see me, by a set of Wooers, 

My goods, and house itself turn'd out of doors ? ip 

And what is worth, or name, however grand, 

Without a single shilling at command ? ' 

T I RE S I A S. 

Since poverty 's the ail you can't endure, 

Take this receipt — I'll answer for the cure. 

A Woodcock, let us say, by chance is sent 15 

To you, or to your Wife a compliment ; 

No matter which — for, instant let it fly 

A present to some rich old neighbour nigh. 

To him the choicest produce of your fields $ 

To him the choicest fruits your garden yields : 20 

What though your houshold Gods you thus deprive ? 

He is the God for you, who most can give. 

Your God well knows the pillory, 'tis true, 

For various crimes — but what is that to you ? 

For such disgraces, never less attend, 25 

Or blush, if he approves, to call him friend. 


UlVsses act a character so low, 

Whose pride through life, has ever been to shew 

t 72 1 



Pauper en's. 


, For tern hoc animum tolerare jubebo 

Et quondam majori tulL Tu protimts, unde 
Divitias cerisque ruam, die augur, acervos. 

r ire si AS. 

t>ixi equidem, et dico. Captes astutus ubique 
Testament a senum : neu, si vafer unus et alter 1 
Insidiatorem prarosojugerit hamo, 
Aut spem deponasy aut art em iilusus mitt as. 

Magna minorve foro si res certabitur olim 1 

I n ] 

A spirit, daring above meaner things, 

To stand at once pre-eminent of Kings ! 30 


If such your spirit still — I say no more--- 
Your pride, good Sir ! must ever keep you poor. 


So let it then :— - if such the means to thrive, 

Poor and distress'd as ever, Jet me live. 

Some other method, mark'd with less disgrace, if 

Propose, my scatter'd fortunes to replace. 



I told you once, and tell you now once more, 

No way so good, as what I nam'd before. 

But — find some wealthy merchant, old or ill, 

And set your traps to catch him in his will : 40 

Nor be dismay'd, if one or two, or more, 

Elude the hook too thinly cover'd o'er 5 

Off to another, nor the hope forsake, 

That the next better baited hook may take. 

Again— suppose a cause is to be tried,-.— 45 

Never enquire the merits of each side 3 

f 74 J 

Vivet uter locupks sine natis, improbus-, ultro 
Qui melionm audax vocet in jus , illius est a 
Defensor : famd civem causdque prior em 
Speme, domi si natus erit, fecundave conjux* 

Quinte, puta, aut Publi (gaudent prcenomine molles 
Auricula) tibi me virtus tua fecit amicum : 
Jus anceps novi: causas defender e possum : 
Eripiet quivis ocnhs citius mihi, quam te 
Contejitum cassd nuce pauper et : hcec mea cur a est, 
Ne quid tu per das t neu sis jocus. Ire domum at que 
Pe/Iicu/am curare jube : fi cog nit or ipse : 
Persia, atque obdura : seu rubra caniculafndet 
Infantes statuas ; seu pingui tentus ojnaso 
Furius hybernas cana nive conspuet Alpes. 

[ 75 } 

Or ask which character the best may be, 

But which can give the best retaining Fee. 

Defend with all your might his viler cause, 

And leave the worthier client to the laws. 50 

Right is with him — 'tis granted — but, ods'life, 

The man has heirs, and still a breeding wife. 

Now for address ; your titles never spare, 
(Titles are winning to a scoundrel's ear,) 
" Most noble Sir ! your worth has long ago 55 

" Acquired you the esteem I wish to shew. 
es I know the laws, and know the case in hand, 
" But leave it all to me, for understand 
" No living soul shall rob you of your due, 
" Which, I aver, is costs and damage too : 60 

" Go home, sweet Sir ! and leave your cares with me." 
And now with all dispatch put in your plea : 
Push into Court, tho' Sirius shou'd throw 
A heat, that splits the pavement as you go - 3 
Or* great I)ubartas bridle up the Floods, 65 

And periwig with snow the bald pate woods. 
Quote dubious cases, then descend to sport, 
This to mislead, and that t' amuse the Court ; 

I 76 3 

Nonne vides (aliquis cubito stantem prope tangens 
Inquiet) ut pattens, ut amicis aptus, lit acer f 
Plures adnabunt thynni, et cetaria crescent. 

Si cui prater e a validus male jilius in re 
Pr cedar a sublatus aktur ; ne manifestum 
Caslibis obsequium ?indet te, leniter in spem 
Arrepe officiosus, ut et scribare secundus 
Heres, et si quis casus puerum egerit Orco 3 
In vacuum Veritas, Perrarb hccc akafaliit. 

$ui testamentum tradet tibi cunque legendum, 

[ 77 ] 

'Till, all amaz'd and charm'd, the standers by 

Exclaim, what wondrous sense ! what energy ! y§ 

With such an active counsel for his friend, 

Who needs suspect a verdict in the end ? 

Your name is up, — you now may raise your fees^ 

And pick and chuse your clients as you please : 

Nay, if you like it, what few counsel can, 75 

May plead for right alone, and be an honest man. 

Let us, again, suppose an only son, 
(To blind your views on Batchelors alone) 
So puny, that the faculty give out 

The hapless youth can never come about : Sq 

Here 's a fine opening, manage it with skill. 
To stand the second in the Father's will : 
And shou'd the darling brat his breath resign, 
House, lands and tenements, may all be thine. 
This for an heirship, (when there 's no entail) 85 

Is the best chance, and seldom known to fail. 

Another, in much confidence, requests, 
*' Pray look at this, — how like you my bequests ?" 

[ 73 3 

Abnuere, et tabulas a te remover e memento : 
Sic tamen, ut limis rapias, quid prima secundo 
Cera ve/it versu -, solus multisne coheres, 
Veloci per cur re oculo. Plerumque recoffius 
Scriba ex quinqueviro corvum deludet hiantem -, 
Captatorque dabit risus Nasica Corano. 

ultss ES. 
Numfuris f an prudens ludis me, obscura canendo f 


O Laertiade, quidquid dicam, aut erit, aut non 
Divinare etenim magnus mihi donat Apollo. 


Quid tamen ista ve/it sibifabula, si licet, ede. 

[ 79 ] 

Be sure refuse, with " Sir ! no doubt a true, 

u A just and honest will, if made by you." go 

With all this negligence, make sure to see, 

At a side glance, where you stand legatee. 

But this advice, in general good indeed, 

May not, in every case you try, succeed : 

Some deeper head may see your cunning through, gc 

And turn at last, the tables upon you ; 

As will Nasica, be at length the fool 

To him, of whom he means to make a tool. 


Nasica ! speak you now my reverend sage, 

In banter, or in true prophetic rage ? ioq 


Laertes* son ! whatever I portend 
Or will---or will not— -happen in the end ; 
For thus, of prophets the great god and king, 
Has taught, divinely taught, his priest to sing. 


Then, if the mighty secret may be told, 105 

The sequel of your mystic tale unfold* 

t 80 ] 


tempore quo juvenis Par this horrendus ab alto 
Demissum genus JEned, tellure marique 
Magnus erit ; forti nubet procera Corano 
Filia Nasicae, metuentis redder e soldum. 
Turn gener hoc faciei : tabulas socero dabit, at que 
Vt legat orabit ; multum Nasica negatas 
Accipiet tandem ; tacitus leget, invenietque 
Nil sibi legatum, prater plorare, sulsque* 

llhid ad hcecjubeo : mulier si forte dolosa 9 
Libertusve senem delirum temper et ; illis 
Accedas socius : laudes, lauderis ut absens. 
Adjuvat hoc quo que : sed vincit longe prius ipsum 
Expugnare caput* 

I ( (lllllCt 

[ 8. ] 

T I R E S I A S. 

What time a youth, the 'Parthian 1 s dread, whose line 

From great /Eneas boasts its race divine, 

By land and sea shall triumph, — will be led 

Nasica's daughter to Coranus' bed : no 

So hopes the Sire his creditor to gull 

Of a good jointure and receipt in full. 

Then shall the sated letcher, craftier still, 

Entreat Nasica to peruse his will : 

Long shall he hesitate, — at length obey, ur 

Read it in silence, and, in dire dismay, 

Find at the last, deluded in his turn, 

Himself and child left nothing, — but to mourn. 

An artful girl, again, shall have the rule 
Of some old driv'ling, love distracted fool : 120 

Or chance his servant shall be master grown, 
Dispose and order all things as his own. 
To form a close connexion here, be sure ; 
Praise, of their praises, when you're gone, secure. 
But after all, the surest path to tread, 125 

Is that which leads directly to the head: 


r 82 j 

........ Scribe t mala carmina vecors f 

Laudato. S cor tat or erit f cave te roget : ultro 
Penelopen facHis potior i trade. 


Per duel pot erit tamfrugl t am que pudlca, 
Quam nequlere procl reclo depellere cursu ? 


Venit enlm magnum donandi par c a juvenilis, 
Nee tantum Veneris, quantum studlosa culince* 
Sic tlbl Penelope frugl est : quce si semel uno 
De sene gustarlt, tecum partita lucellum, 

[ 8 3 ] 

Does the dull rogue conceive himself a Poet 

And scribble verses, that the world may know it ? 

In raptures cry---" The sentiments how fine ! 

" The verse how full ! mellifluous ! divine ! " 130 

Does he by fits with amorous passion burn ? 

Be sure Penelope supplies this turn : 

Own your Penelope herself confess'd, 

When last she saw, she lik'd his person best, 


What, Sir? my wife, so prudent and so chaste, 135 

Who never one of all the terms embrac'd, 
Her suitors offer'd ; can you think that she 
To such vile prostitution wou'd agree ? 

t 1 r e s 1 a s. 
Your wife, good Sir ! with all her innocence 
Her love for you, her virtue and good sense, 140 

Perhaps at last was never fairly tempted, 
Her suitors came too poor, with pockets emptied ; 
Warm'd by the kitchen, more than Cupid's fire, 
To eat and drink, their principal desire. 
Shou'd a rich suitor come, that scent she'll keep j 145 

As dogs once blooded, still will worry sheep ; 

[ 8 4 ] 

Ut cams, a corio nwiquam absterrebitur undh. 

Me sene, quod die am, fac~lum est. Anus improba Thebis 
Ex test anient o sic est elata : cadaver 
TJntfum oleo largo nudis humeris tidit heres r 
Scilicet elabi si posset mortua -, credo 
S$ubd nimium institerat viventi , 

...Cautus adito 

Neu desis opera?, neve immoderatus abundes, 
Dij/icilem et morosum qffiendes garrulus ; ultro 
Non etiam sileas. Davus sis comicus, at que 
Stes capite obstipo, multiim similis metucnti. 

[ 85 ] 

Yes, trust me Sir ! your ever virtuous wife, 

Wou'd share with you the prize, and stick to him for life. 

'Tis years ago, but well remembered still, 
A sly old woman left this codicil : 150 

My Heir shall bear me to my funeral pile 
Naked and greas'djrom top to toe with oil, 
'Twas thought, indeed 'twas generally said, 
Her meaning was, to give the slip when dead. 
The heir, it seems, had driven things too fast, j tr 

And the old lady smok'd his aim at last. 
Do you the moral of this tale apply, 
Lest too much pains awaken jealousy. 

To move as you wou'd wish and warm the heart, 
Keep up, but never over act your part. 160 

The cross and difficult old man will hate 
The gay companion of incessant prate ; 
Nor in reverse of talking, wou'd he have 
One that is always silent, always grave : 
To please a mind in this inconstant way, 16 r 

Take for a model — Davits in the play ; 

[ 86 ] 

Oksequio grassare : money si increbuit aura % 
Cantus uti velet carum caput : extr-abe turba 
Oppositis humeris : aurcm substringe loquaci. 
Importunus amat laudari ? donee , obe jam I 
Ad ccelum manibus sublatis dixerit, urge, et 
Crescentem tumidis infla sermonibus utrenu 

Quum te servitio longo curaque levarit -, 

Et certum vigilans, Quartae esto partis Ulysses 

Andieris heres : Ergo nunc Dama soda/is 

Nusquam est ? TJnde mihi tamjbrtem tamquejidelem ? 

Sparge subinde : et, si pauliim potes, ittachrymare. Est 

G audi a pro dent em nmltum eel are 

[ 8 7 ] 

In bending posture of respect and fear, 

Watch when 'tis time to speak, and when to hear. 

Creep into favor by such means as these, — 
If walking, there should spring an eastern breeze, 170 

" My dear good Sir ! of catching cold beware, 
" Nor trust yourself in this inclement air." 
See you a mob ? be sure to get him in, 
Only to lead him tottering out again. 

Has he for praise a never ceasing thirst ? 175 

Inflate the swelling bladder 'till it burst. 

When Death at last shall kindly lend his aid, 
To close this tedious, sycophantic trade - 3 
And wide awake (beware of dreams) you hear 
Ulysses left Jive hundred pounds a year ; 180 

Wringing your hands exclaim, " Is Dama dead ? 
" A better soul to heaven never fled. 
<c Where shall I find another of his worth ? 
" Oh never, never, never upon earth." 
The thing I own is difficult, but try, jg^ 

And if you cannot, seem at least to cry -, 

[ 83 ] 

........ Sepukbrum s 

Permissum arhitrio, sine sor dibits extrne : funus 
Egregie faftum laadet vicinia 

....,...&' quis 
Forte coheredum senior male tussict ; huic tu 
Die, ex parte tud, sen fundi, she domus sit 
Em tor, gaudentem nummo te addicere, ........ 

Sed me 

Lnperiosa trahit Proserpina : vive, valeqiie* 

[ 8 9 ] 

Be sure, at any rate, your outward mien 
Betray no symptom of the joy within. 

If left to you his monument to raise, 
Spare nor for decorations, nor for praise ; 190 

And let each tenant of the village say 
" Lord ! what a funeral went thro* to day." 

Is any co-heir likely to drop off? 
Has he an ashtma, or a church -yard cough ? 
Tell him, " Dear Sir; th' estate is mine, 'tis true, 195 

" But 'tis an object possibly with you : 
" If so, accept it ; pray Sir ! be not nice, 
'* If not accept it, name at least the price." 
But then be sure, the man to whom you give 
This offer, be the one least like to live* 200 

More I could sing, — But, hark ! the queen of hell 
Forbids my stay, — Live artful and live well. 


i 9° i 

« ^#^Mim^s^^^^^^^iiiiiiii®»^-<^-i-^*- 




J AMD UD UM ausculto, et cupiens, tibi die ere servus 
Pauea reformido. Davusne ? Ita, Davus, amtcum 
Mancipium domino , etfrugiy quod sit satis 5 hoc est t 
Vt vitale putes 


Age, liber t ate Decembri 

(^uando ita majores vchierunt) utere -, narra, 

J?ars hominum vitHs gaudet constanter, et urget 

f 9i ] 

Davus. Horace. 

D A VU S. 

I ULL long a hearer, I begin to burn, 
Tho' half afraid, to chatter in my turn. 
What Davus? — Yes, and Sir, as I conceive, 
Faithful and wise, tho' not too wise to live. 


Well, since the times will have it so, be free, 5 

And say what first comes uppermost for me. 


Part of mankind, however much to blame, 

In what they do, yet always do the same : , 

Others again, less steady, you will find 

This day to virtue, next to vice inclin'd. re 

[ 9* ] 

Propositum ; pars multa natat, modo reft a capessens s 
Inter dum pravis obnoxia. Scepe not at us 
Cum tribus annellis, modo Icevd Priscus i?iani, 
Vixit inequalisy clavum ut mutaret in horas : 
JEdibus ex magnis subitb se conderet, unde 
Mundior exiret vix libertinus honeste : 
Jam mcechus Romse, jam mallet do ft us Athenis 
Vivere ; Vertumnis quotquot sunt, natus iniquis. 

Scurra Volanerius, postquam illi justa podagra 
Contudit articulos, qui pro se t oiler et at que 
Mitteret in phimum talos, mercede diurnd 
Conduftum pavit : quanto conjlantior idem 
In vitiis, tan to levins miser, ac prior ille, 
Shiijam contento, jam laxofune laborat. 

[ 93 1 

Without a watch to day, young "Tippy Bob 

To morrow sports a chain from either fob ; 

Between his breakfast, dinner, and the p lay. 

Is dress'd in red, in green, in blue, in grey ; 

From house superb as any in the park, 15 

Sinks to a cellar, dismal, damp and dark, 

Where scarce a common servant wou'd go in, 

Who valued place or character a pin : 

]3uck of the Town at six, — in six hours more 

At Cambridge, conning Locke and Euclid o 'er. zo 

Sure all the planets at his Birth combin'd 

To shed their changeful influence o'er his mind. 

Gamble, that worthy martyr to his gout, 
The dice no longer able to throw out, 

Employs a fellow upon constant pay, 25 

To shake the boxes for him all the day : 
Constant in vice, he feels perhaps less pain 
Than who repents, yet falls to play again ; 
Happier who still topes on, and knows no sorrow, 
Than he who drunk to day, is sick to morrow. 30 

E 94 ] 


Non dices bodie, quorsum bac tarn putida tendanf, 
Furcifer f 


Ad te, inquam. 


£>uo patio, pessime t 


Fortunam ac mores antique? plebis ; et idem, 
Si quis ad ilia Deus subito te agat, usque recuses : 
Aut quia non sent is, quod clamas, reffiius esse ; 
Aut quia nonjirmus recfum defendis, et bares, 
Nequicquam cceno cupiens evellere plantam. 

Laud a 

t 95 ] 


Ramble no more, I can no more attend, 
So bring your tale and moral to an end, 

D A V U S. 

Your observation, Sir ! I own is true, 
My tale and moral then applies to you. 


How ! saucy scoundrel, this apply to me ? ■? r 


Exactly Sir, exactly to a T. 

Nothing so common, as to hear you praise 
The good old customs of the good old days ; 
When Country Squires, and all the better sort, 
Drank humming Ale instead of Punch and Port : 40 

When all the while, if punch or port are near, 
I never see you touch a drop of Beer : 
Either you say one thing, another think, 
Or like one liquor, but another drink ; 

Or, reason vainly striving with desire, 4,- 

You still stick fast and flounder in the mire. 

[ 9& ] 

Romcz rus cptas -, absentem rusticus urbem 
Mollis ad astro, levis. Si nusquam es forte vocatus 
Ad ccenam, laudas securum olus ; ac, velut usquam 
Vinftus eas, ita tefelicem ducis amasque, 
Quod nusquam tibift potandum. fusserit ad se 
Maecenas serum sub lumina prima venire 
Convivam ; Nemon oleum fert ocyus I ecquis 
Audit ? cum magno blateras clamore , fugisque. 
Muhius et scurra 3 tibi non referenda precati, 

„ Ete'aimfaieor me, dixerit ilk 9 

Duct venire lev em: nasum nidore supinor : 

\xiilus, iners, si quid vis , adde, popho. 
Tu quum sis quod ego, etfortassis nequior, irftro 

r 97 ] 

In Town you praise the Country, but scarce down, 
Before you wish yourself again in Town: 
If chance our jolly Squire shou'd fail to call 
And ask you up as usual to the hall, ro 

" Davus, say what you will of company 
" But home is home, my own fire-side for me." 
Scarce is this wise resolve domestic heard, 
Before his honor's servant, brings a card. 
" Ho ! Davus! where the devil are you all? rr 

" Not one, when wanted, ever within call ! " 
Dress'd in a moment, smart from top to toe, 
Off in a bluster, quick as light you go. 
Two Curates by your own appointment come 
At six, but find no master is at home ; 60 

Then mutter, disappointed of their treat, 
Reflections which I hardly dare repeat. 

Now for myself, Sir, Davus not denies 
He loves the savoury fumes of mutton pies; 
Is slow and idle, loiters as he goes, 6$ 

And sometimes at the tavern takes his dose : 

[ 98 ] 

InseSfere, velut melior, verbisque decoris 
Obvohas vitium ? 

Quid, si me stultior if so 

^uingentis emto drachmis deprenderis ? Aujer 

Me vultu terrere ; manum stomachumque tenet o, 
■Dum, quce Crispini docuit me janitor, edo* 

Te conjux aliena capit, meretricula Davum : 

Peccat uter nostrum cruce dignius t Acris ubi me 
"Natura incendit ; sub clard nuda lacernd 
Qucecunque excepit turgentis Berber a caudce, 
Ckinibus aut agitavit equum lasciva supinum, 

[ 99 ] 

Perhaps our passions here are much the same, 

Only that your's assume a higher name; 

In short the Master has a flow of speech 

To shade his faults, which Davits cannot reach. 70 

What if I prove the converse to be true, 
That Horace is the weaker of the two ? 
With all his wisdom, weaker will be found, 
Than the vile slave he bought for twenty pound ? 
Nay, hold your hand, you gave me leave to day 75 

To speak my mind, and I will have my way. 
Attend, and (if I do not greatly err) 
I'll prove myself the best Philosopher: 
For such I am, and grown a reasoner shrewd, 
Taught by the porter at the Robin Hood, 8 

The master must his neighbour's wife command, 
I take the fipet that meets me on the Strand -, 
Which is the deeper sinner of the two, 
The very spirit of the laws will shew. 

Of amorous passion when I feel the fire, 8 r 

To some obscure apartment I retire; 

[ IOO ] 

JDimittit neque famosum, neque solicit um, ne 
Ditior aut for nice melioris meiat eodem. 

Tu, quum projeBis insignibus, annulo equestri, 
Romanoquc habitu, prodis exjudice Dama 
Turpis, odor at urn caput obs cur ante lacemd, 
Non es quod simulas ? metuens inducer is > at que 
Alter cante libidinibus tremis ossa pavore. 

Quid refert t uri irirgis ferroque necari 
AuBoratus eas ; an turpi clausus in area, 
Quo te demisit peccati conscia her His, 

[ I°I j 

My character is safe, my mind at rest, 

Nor does one jealous fear disturb my breast, 

That the next fool who shall her favors buy 

May have a better face or purse than I. 90 

Now for the mischiefs of your amorous flame, 
Your nice connection with the married Dame. 
When my Lord Judge s wig, so trim and full, 
You change for Hackney Coachman 's all of wool ; 
Rush in disguise and hurry through the street, 05 

Afraid of every living soul you meet; 
Pray are you not exactly to a hair, 
The low bred coachman now, whose wig you wear ? 
But we'll admit, the house you safely get 
'Twixt running, fear and love, in what a heat ! 100 

Suppose you're caught, — the fair one's angry Lord 
Uses at will his cudgel or his sword ; 
Or, stretch 'd like Abelard beneath the knife, 
You sign a bond that beggars you for life. 
The mildest fate of which to be afraid, I0 - 

Is to depend upon my lady's maid ; 

[ 102 ] 

Contradlum, genibus ta?jgas caput ? . 

Estne mar it 'o 

Matrons peccantis in am bos just a potestas? 
In corruptorem veljustior. Ilia tamen se 
Non habit it, mutatve loco, peccatve superne ; 
£>uum teformidet mulier, neque credat amanti. 

Ibis subfurcam prudens, dominoque furenti 
Committes rem omnem et vitam et cum corporefamam. 
Evdsti f metues, credo, doc t us que cavebis ; 

[ I0 3 ] 
In linen basket foul be stuff'd, and gone 
To cool, — a hissing horse-shoe, like Sir John** 

But if the husband may revenge his shame, 
And justly punish the adulterous dame ; no 

Be sure, whatever fault to her is due, 
The guilt and vengeance doubly falls on you : 
Your's all the risque ; for she, more wise, will stay 
Secure at home, nor meet you half the way ; 
She bribes no servants, puts on no disguise, ur 

You take the trouble, she but shares the vice. 
Ev'n then her feelings are by fear repress'd, 
Nor dares she trust her lover, tho' possess'd ; 
Tho' bought so dearly, not one half so free, 
Or unreserv'd, as my Strand Nymph with me. 120 

Yet for such joys, the husband's wrath you brave, 
And kiss the yoke, — a voluntary slave ; 
Still the same course of headstrong vice pursue, 
With Juries, Verdi&s, and a Jail in view. 
Of DoSfors Commons, I'll suppose you free, 12c 

In future, sure more careful you will be; 

[ 104 ] 

Squares, quando iterum paveas, iterumque perire 
Possis. O toties servus ! qua bellua ruptis, 
£>uum seme/ effugit, reddit se prava catenis f 

Non sum mcechus, ais. Neque ego, Hercule, for, ubi vasa 
Trcetereo sapiens argentea. Tolle pericium, 
yam vaga prosiliet frcznis natura remotis. 

'Tune mihi dominus, rerum imperiis hominumque 
Tot tantisque minor ? quern ter vindicla quaterque 
Imposita baud umquam miser a Jormidine privet f 
Adde super diclis quod non leviiis valeat : nam 
Sive vicar ius est, qui servo paret, uti mos 
Fester ait, seu conservus : tibi quid sum ego f Nempi 
Tu, mihi qui imperitas, aliis servis miser, atque 
Duceris, ut nervis alienis mobile signum. 

[ i°5 ] 

No, in a month, the selfsame course you run,. 

Of fear and danger, fond to be undone. 

Will then your spaniel, free to range the plain, 

Return, and court the collar and the chain ? 1 30 

No, Ranger will not, — but with all his skill, 

His sense and wariness, the Master will. 

But I am no adulterer, you cry, — - 
No, please your honor, nor a thief am I : 
But take from each the hazard of his life, 13^ 

I steal your plate, and you your neighbour's wife. 
What, you my master ! you to domineer, 
The slave yourself of passion and of fear ? 
Whom not a club of jacobins cou'd free. 
Nor Paine in person rouse to liberty ? 140 

But to pursue this matter further still, 
Call me your Servant,— -Slave, Sir, if you will : 
Still in another sense, we are but brothers ; 
I am your slave, and you, the slave of others: 
Lord over me, but, with a lord or 'squire, 145 

The puppet dancing as he pulls the wire, 


r io6 ] 


Quisnam igitur liber ? 


Sapiens ; sibi qui imperiosus : 
Quern neque pauperies, nequemors, nee vinculo, terrent \ 
Responsare cupidinibus, contemnere honores 
Fortis, et in seipso totus teres atque rotundas, 
Extemi ne quid valeat per leve morari ; 
In quern mane a ruit semper For tuna, Potesne 
Ex his, at proprium, quid nose ere f 

. < Quinque talent a 

Poscit te mulier, vex at, foribmque repulsum 
Perfundit gelidd : rursus vocat. Eripe turpi 
Collajugo : liber, liber sum, die age. Non quis j 
Urget enim mentem dominus non lenis, et acres 
Subjeolat lasso stimulos, versatque negantem. 

[ I0 7 ] 


Who then is free ? 

D A V U S. 

The wise man, he who knows 
No fear of death, or any human woes : 
Who fears not want, who to no lusts wilJ yield, 
Proof against wealth, against ambition steel'd ; i^o 

Who sees the random darts of fortune fly 
And smiles secure in virtue's panoply. 
Now of this picture, and 'tis fairly shewn, 
Is there a feature you can call your own ? 

For twenty pounds Belinda asks a note, i pr 

" Madam I have it not," ' Then pawn your coat' 
Or pawn your coat, or stand the viler shame 
Of cooling from a wash I blush to name. 
Now shew yourself a man, and take affront, 
No, Master Horace, no, depend upon't 160 

Passion will get the better in the main, 
And blindly carry you to Bell again. 

[ ">8 ] 

Vel quum Pausiacd torpes, insane, tabella, 

£>ui p;ccas minus at que ego, quum Fulvi, Rutubseque^ 

Aut Placideiani content o popllte miror 

Pratlia, rubricd pifla aut carbone, velut si 

Re vera pugnent, feriant vitentqne movent es 

Arma viri f Nequam, et cessator Davus : at ips: 

Sub t His veterum judex, et callidus audis* 

Nil ego, si ducor libo fumante -, tibi ingens 
Virtus, atque animus ccenis responsat opimis. 

[ I0 9 ] 

Of pictures, I have heard, you nothing know, 
Yet daily to the Shakespear you must go; 
Lounge round the room, remark on every print, 165 

" This has some merit, that has nothing in't." 
Now shou'd poor Davus happen but to stop, 
Caught by some Sign-post Painting at a shop ; 
Where Humphreys and Mendoza shall engage, 
As big as life, and on as big a stage ; 170 

So like, that many a country fellow vows 
He hears distinct as possible the blows ; 
He is, forsooth, an idle, loitering dog, 
Down comes the whip, and all prepar'd to flog ; 
But you, Sir! tho' a loiterer just the same, 175 

Have got a nice discerning critic's name ! 

If where the savoury sausage scents the street, 
The good for nothing rascal stops to eat, 
Davus commits a terrible offence ; 

But you, Sir! are the pink of abstinence ; 180 

A man of such stem virtue, that, I know, 
Ask'd to the costliest feast, you'd answer, No. 

[ no ] 

Obseqidum ventris ?nihi pcrnicioshis est cur? 
Tergo plellor enim : qui tu impunitior ilia, 
Quce parvo sumi nequeunt, obsonia c apt as f 
Nempe inamarcscunt epulce sine fine petitcc, 
Illusique pedes vitiosum fcrre recusant 

An hie pec cat, sub noBem qui puer uvam 

Furtivd mutat strigili ? qui prcedia vendit, 

Nil servile, gulz parens, habet ? Adde, quod idem 

Non horam tecum esse potes, non otia recle 

Ponere ; teque ipsum vitas fugitivus et erro ; 

yam vino quccrens, jain somno fallere curam : 

Frustra : nam comes atra premit, scquiturque Jugacem. 

[ "I ] 

If I enjoy good eating, must it be. 

No crime in you, a deadly sin in me ? 

In this, alas! the sad distinction lies, 1 85 

My back must suffer for my belly's vice; 

But shall your banquet 'scape the vengeance due, 

Because no master shakes a cane at you ? 

No ! soon your wines shall nauseate on the taste, 

And the pall'd stomach loath the frequent feast ; 190 

Soon shall your trembling limbs their aid deny 

To bear the frame worn down with gluttony. 

Your stable boy shall steal a curry-comb, 
And change it for an apple or a plumb ; 

Now will you think the man no greater sinner, jn- 

Who gives a fortune for a single dinner ? 
Added to this, you cannot be alone, 
And if you are, so cursed peevish grown, 
That I am glad, the house in peace to keep, 
To see you downright drunk, or sound asleep ; 200 

For so it is, reflections of some kind, 
Half drunk or /^asleep, disturb your mind. 

[ »* 1 

h o ratius. 
Uncle mihi lapidem f 


Quorsum est opus ? 


Unde sagittas ? 


Aut insanit homo, aut versus facit. 

no rat i us. 

Ocius tfinc It 

Ni rapis, accedes opera agro nona Sabino* 

[ ir 3 ] 


A stone, does no one hear mc ? bring a stone, — - 

D A V U S. 

Be moderate, Sir ! in truth there's need of none. 


Oh ! that my loaded pistol now I had ! 205 

D A V U S. 

The man is turning Poet, or stark mad, 


Out of my sight this moment, saucy knave, 
Or to Barbadoes back, for life a Slave, 

t "4 ] 


s a r. via. 



L/T Nasidienijuvit te ccena beati? 

Nam mihi convivam qua rent i 9 diclus heri illuc 

]}e medio pot are die 


Sic, ut mihi nunquani 

In vita fuer -it melius - 


Die (si grave non est) 

Qua prima iraium vent rem placaverit esc a. 

I "5 ] 

Horace. Fun d an i us. 


W ELL, Sir ! what kind of evening with the Mayor f 

For, to my disappointment, you were there; 

When yesterday, in all my life before 

I never wanted a companion more: 

By various gossips I have understood, c 

You drank as long as drinking cou'd be good. 


A day so pleasant, that upon my soul, 
I never spent a better on the whole. 


Indeed ! then pray particulars repeat, 

And give me every Item of the treat. 10 

[ i'6 1 


In primis Lucanus a per • lent fitit Austro 
Captus, ut aiebat ccen<z pater ; acria circiim 
Rapu/a, laffiucce, radices, qualia lassum 
Pervellunt stomachum, siser, alec, fcecula Coa. 

His ubi sublatis, puer alte cinBus acernara 
Gansape purpureo mensam pertersit, et alter 
Sublegit quodcunqnt jaceret inutile, quodque 
Posset ceenantes nffaidere ; ut Attica virgo 
Cum mcris Cereris, procedit fuscus Ilydaspes 
Ccecuba vinajerens ; Alcon, Chium maris expers. 
Hie herns : Albanum, Maecenas, she Falernum 
To mag is ap posit is delecfat -, tab emus uir unique : 
Divitias mis.ras ! 

t "7 1 

F U N D A N I U S. 

For course the first, two haunches were assign'd, 

Kill'd in the forest, in a southern wind ; 

So said our host, and so I shou'd suppose, 

If I might form my judgment by my nose : 

A dish to whet the appetite stood by 15 

With Lettuce, Radishes and Celery: 

On either side were various sauces seen, 

As Katchup, Soy, Anchovies and the Quin. 

This course remov'd, a footman in a trice 
Spread a clean cloth of damask white and nice ; 20 

And true it is, however like a joke, 
The cloths were damask, but the table oak : 
The scatter'd fragments, next he clear'd away, 
For neatness sake, — or for another day. 
Then next advanc'd, in solemn pace and slow, 2C 

As in procession at the City Shew, 
Pompey the black, and Jehu with different wine, 1 

This from the Cape, the other from the Rhine, > 


Tho' neither knew the Sea, or ever cross'd the Line. J 

I »8 ] 

11 RAT 1 US. 

Sed quels camantibus una, 

'undani, pulchre fuerit tibi, nosse labor v. 


Summits ego, et prope me Viscus Thurinus, et Infra 
(Si memini) Varius -, cum Servilio Balatrone 
Vibidius, quos Maecenas adduxerat umbras: 
Nomentanus erat supra Ipsum : Porcius infra, 
Rldlculus totas semel absorbere placentas. 
Nomentanus ad hoc, qui, si quid forte lateret, 

[ "9 ] 

Instant our host, — "Maecenas, that is Hock; 30 

*' And, if you like it, never fear my stock : 

" Choice in my wines, I keep of every sort, 

" But all poor stuff, I think, compar'd with Port, 


Now, dear Fundanius, tell me if you can, 

Who were your jovial party to a man. 35 


* Mczcenas then was* at the upper end, 

And next to him on either side a friend : 

For he, to grace the party, carried two ; 

Vibidius, and Servilius Balatro, 

The next to them, as not in rank so high., 40 

Were plac'd Tburinits, Varius, and I. 

Our landlord at the bottom took his seat 

Between two friends, to carve or praise the meat ; 

Fortius was there, his humour in the main, 

To swallow cheese-cakes till he choak'd again, 45 

On t'other side, the Mayor's supreme delight, 

Sat Nomentanus, a true parasite ; 

Officious as his patron's heart cou'd wish, 

To call attention to each different dish *, 

f 120 ] 

Indice monstraret dlgito. Nam catera turba 
Nos, mquam, ccenamus aves, conchylia, pisces. 
Longe dissimilem noto celantia succwn : 
~Ut vel continub patuit, quum passeris assi, et 
Ingustata mihi porrexerit ilia Rhombic 

Post hoc me docnit meltmela rubere, minoreffi 
Ad lunam delctfa. Quid hoc intersit, ab ipso 
Audieris melius. Turn Vibidius Balatroni : 
Nos, nisi damnose bibimus, moriemur inulti * 
E t caiices poscit major es 

r *2i ] 

For wc, who like true Common Council Men } $q 

Stick to the rule of cut and come again, 

By his account, devour'd with hungry haste, 

Fish, flesh and fowl, regardless of their taste ; 

Things so disguis'd, he said, so richly clone, 

For what they were, they never cou'd be known. cc 

To prcve his words, and all my doubts confound, 

He help'd me to a Flounder and Cod's sound; 

And sure enough, he safely might have swore, 

I never tasted such a dish before. 

Our Landlord now had enter'd a dispute, 60 

About the proper time to gather fruit ; 
The time he said, tho' mostly thought too soon, 
Was just beyond the middle of the moon : 
Quite scientific this,-— but I must leave 
The reasons of his rule, for him to give. 6 c 

'Twas now Macenas friends began to smoke 
Their stupid treat, and turn it to a joke. 
One to the other whispers low and sly, 
" Come let's be even with, and drink him dry :" 


[ 122 ] 

Vert ere pallor 

Turn parochifaciem, nil sic metuentis lit acres 
Potores : vel quod maledicunt liberius j vel 
Fervida quod subtile exsurdant vina palatum, 
Invertunt AUifanis vinaria tota 
Vibidius Balatroque, secutis omnibus : imi 
Convive letli nihilum nocnere lagenis. 

Adfertur squillas inter murcena natantes 

In patina porrcBa. Sub hoc hems : Hcec gravida, hiquit, 

[ I2 3 ] 

Then bids the servant larger glasses bring ; 70 

•" Sir, with your leave, a bumper to the King." 

His Worship, at the very word turn'd pale 
And look'd as sour, nay sourer than his ale : 
Nothing, it seems, he dreads so much on earth, 
As guests too fond of Bacchanalian mirth ; 7 j 

Since drinking oft provokes censorious jest 
And blunts the nice distinction of the taste. 
The humour took, and quick as it cou'd pass, 
Each gave his toast, and swallow'd down his glass : 
The guests below, too much within controul, 80 

Were mark'd to be the soberest of the whole. 

Now came a Turbot, swimming in a dish, 
Garnish'd with shrimps, the nicest of shell-fish. 
Our host again, — " Maecenas, this was caught 
" In spawn, for after, 'tis not worth a groat; gr 

" And, Sir ! my sauces, you will own, surpass 
" The best of Far ley's or of Mrs. Glasse : 
" This gravy for the fish, so rich and high, 
" Is oil, — the best that Florence can supply, 

[ "4 ] 

Cap fa est ; deter tor post par turn carnejutura. 
His mist urn jus est oleo, quod prima Venafri 
Pressit cella -, garo de succis piscis Iberi : 
Vino quinquennia verum citra mare nato y . 
Dum coquitur : coclo Cbium sic convenif, ut non 
Hoc magis ullum aiiud ; pipere albo, ?ion sine aceto, 
Quod Metbymneam vitio mutaverit uvam, 
Erucas virides, inulas ego primus amaras 
Monstravi incoquzre : illotos CurtUlus ecbinos, 
Ut melius murid, quam testa marina remittit. 

[ !M ] 

iC Anchovies genuine, — for, to have them so, go 

f I fetch them from the Archipelago ; 

" Madeira — five year's old, that twice has cross'd 

" The Line ; white Pepper from Sumatra's coast; 

" My Vinegar, — nor common is, nor plain, 

" But. twice distill'd and made from best Champaign ; 95 

" These at the first, — and, when it well has boil'd, 

" Old Mountain — if before, your sauce is spoil'd. 

" To say the truth, I never trust to book 

" In these affairs, or even to my cook ; 

" But always see myself the proper brine, 100 

*' The proper oil and quantity of wine. 

" 'Twas I that first preserv'd the Kidney Bean, 

" And kept it thro' the winter, fresh and green ; 

(t I first the meadow mushroom treasur'd up, 

" To mix in precious powder with my soup; I0 - 

" I best of any one, my Oysters fat, 

" But B-?nb-r G~sc~gne beats me at a Sprat " 

But now the mournful muse I must invoke, 
To sing events too serious for a joke. 

[ 120 ] 

Inter.ea suspensa graves aulcea ruinas 

In patinam fecere, trahentia puheris atri 

Quantum non Aquih Campanis excitat agris. 

Nos majus veriti, postquam nihil esse pericli 
Sensimus, erigimur. Rufus posit o capite, nt si 
Filius immaturus obisset, jlere. Quis esset 
Finis, ni sapiens sic Nomentanus amicum 
Tolleret ? Heu ! Fortuna, quis est crudelior in nos 
Te Deus ? ut semper gaudes illudere rebus 
Humanis ! Varius mappd compescere risum 
Vix poterat. Balatro, svspendens omnia ?iaso, 

[ I2 7 1 

High over all, suspended by a tye no 

Too loose, there hung an ancient canopy °, 

Where safe and undisturb'd full many a day, 

Spiders by dozens in their cobwebs lay : 

Down came the dusty weight ; and, in the fall, 

Smother'd the table, company and all. 1 15 

Not such a dust in August fills our eyes, 

From new-rais'd Cavalry at exercise. 

After some minutes taken to recover, 
And satisfy ourselves the worst was over, 
Our host upon his hand reclin'd his head, 120 

And wept, as if his only son were dead; 
'Till Nomentanus nobly strove to raise 
His spirits, by reflexions such as these. 
*' Oh ! envious fortune ! what a piteous spite ! 
" In human crosses thus to take delight!" 125 

Varius polite, and fearful to offend, 
With laughing, stopp'd the fit with napkin's end. 
The humorous Balatro resolv'd, at least, 
To make it but a tragi-comic feast j 

[ ,28 ] 

H&c est conditio vivendi, aiebat ; eoque 
Responsura tuo nunquam est par jama labori* 
Tene, lit ego accipiar laute, torquerier omni 
Solicitudine distriSlum ? ne panis adustus, 
Ne male condition jus apponatur ; ut omnes 
Pracinffi re tie pueri comtique minis t rent f 
Adde bos prater ea casus ; aulcza ruant si, 
Ut modo , si patinam pede lapsus frangat agaso, 

Sed convivdtpris, uti ditch, ingenium res 
Adversa nudare solent, celare sccundce 
Nasidienus ad hcec : Tibi Dz, qucecunque preceris, 
Commoda dent ; it a vit '.onus es, convivaque comis •„ 
Et soleas poscif. Turn h leclo quoque videres 
St riders seer eta divisos aure susurros. 

[ * 2 9 ] 

And thus with decent gravity began, 130 

" Ah Sir ! the fate, the cruel fate of man ! 

" How common, all his time and pains to spend 

" In search of fame, and lose it in the end ! 

*' Thus you, who neither cost nor trouble spare 

" To entertain us with the best of fare, 135 

" Your servants dress in liveries so gay, 

" To crown the neatness of the festive day, 

" Must still be subject to a curtain's fall, 

" To marr your pains at once, and ruin all." 

" Landlords and Generals I oft have thought 140 

" May to a fair comparison be brought -, 
" This against adverse battles must bear up, 
t{ That must not mind a broken dish or cup : 
" Each, when he bears the sudden strokes of fate 
" With even fortitude, alike is great." 145 

Our Mayor, with rapture sparkling in his eyes, 
" Oh, best of friends ! oh, sweetest fellow ! " cries ; 
Then leaves the table with apparent ease, 
And us to laugh and comment as we please. 


[ 13° 1 
Nullos bis mallem ludos spe Basse 


Sed ilia 

Rcdde, age, qua? deinceps risisti 


Vibidius dum 

guarit de pueris, nuni sit quoque fracia lagena, 
9ubd sibi poscenti non dentur pocida ; dumque 
Ridetur fciis rerum, Balatrone secundo ; 
Nasidiene, redis mitt at a front l is, ut arte 
Emenda turns jortunam . ........ 

Deiride secuti 

Mazonomo pueri ?nagno discerptaferentes 
Membra grids spar si sale multo, non sinefarre, 
Pinguibus et ficis past urn jecur anseris albi, 

[ w ] 

In short, dear Horace, as I said before, 150 

No comedy cou'd ever please me more. 


Still my impertinence excuse, my friend, 
And let me have your story to the end. 


Vibidius then, half earnest and half joke, 

Call'd to the boys,—" Are all the bottles broke ?" 155 

But just as Balatro had crack'd his jest, 

In came again the founder of the feast ; 

Resolv'd, as did his countenance proclaim, 

To match, if possible, the slippery dame. 

Of footmen, cooks and scullions, the whole herd, 160 
Now follow at his heels with course the third : 
In a huge dish, the first a Turkey bore, 
Ready cut up, and froth'd with salt and flour ; 
Next came a Goose, on milk and white bread fed ; 
Then wings of Hares, the tenderest parts, he said, 165 

Far better than the back ; to crown the whole 
Woodcocks, whose legs were roasted to a coal ; 

[ 132 ] 

Et leporum avu/sos, at malto suavius, armos, 
%uam si cum lumbis quis edit. Turn p eft ore adust o 
Vidimus et merulas poni, et sine dune palumbes -, 
Suaves res, si non causas narraret earum et 
Naturas dominus : quern nos sicfugimus ulti, 
TJt nihil omnino gust ar emus, ve/ut Hits 
Canidia afflasset, pejor serpentibus Afris. 

ffW &£j* 

I *31 ] 

And, as the last perfection of his art, 

Bioil'd Pidgeo?is, but without the binder part. 

Delicious fare ! — but still he kept his prate 170 

About the qualities of this and that, 

'Till, out of humour, not a soul wou'd stay, 

But took his hat, and grumbling went away ; 

Sick, as if suffer'd in his pans to look, 

Or see the dirty fingers of his cook. 175 


[ *35 ] 

Xi AVI N G premised in my Preface that I am no Critic, I must beg to observe to the Classical 
Reader, that, if in any of the following Notes I should seem to him to assume that Character, 1 do noc 
give or mean to give my opinion as of any Authority. 

* Jove once thought ft] This passage is very pleasingly paraphrased in a paper of the Spectator ; 
where the offer is supposed to have been actually made, accepted, and repented of. I confess 1 have 
amplified here, as in other places, only because I could not keep up to the conciseness of my Author 
and be clear myself. 

* As oft the Boy] I am aware that Horace carries his allusion back much nearer to Infancy and the 
Alphabet than I have done. But in modern Practice, the idea of encouraging Boys to get their Lessons 
by Nuts, Gingerbread, and the like, gives an idea of the mere Dame's School ; which I think is go- 
ing too far. 1 have often known a humorous story from the Master arising out of it, put a whole 
class in humour with a dry and difficult lesson, which otherwise would have been lost upon them, 
both for instruction and amusement. Upon this recollection, 1 have taken the liberty to vary here 
from the immediate sense of the passage. 

* Like for example's sake] The Edition by Mr. Francis is the only one I have seen that begins the 
Dialogue here j and I follow it for this reason: it appears to me that our Poet purposely throws 
an opportunity in the Miser's way of justifying his love and pursuit of money, upon the same prin- 
ciples that Men in general act, viz. Ut in otia tuta recedant : and then puts the natural simile of the 
Ant into his mouth, only to turn it against him, with the pleasant severity that follows. — This Trap 
set for him, 1 own strikes me, as a peculiar beauty in the Satire. 

* Dancer possessed] This unaccountable Being died in the year 1794, immencely rich, both in 
land and money. It is recorded of him, amongst other miserable devices to get money, that he 
would personate the distressed beggar, and in that character thankfully receive the most trifling 
donations that were offered him. He died indeed a natural death 5 and 1 am inclined to think, not- 
withstanding the pains taken by commentators to ascertain the genealogy of his Assassin, that the 
original Ummidius or Humidius (if not a fictitious name) might make the same quiet exit; and that 
our Poet in the spirit of his Satire, only assigned him the death such a wretch might seem to deserve. 

* But to the point again] OurPoet at the commencement of this Satire, treats of thediscontented- 
ness of mankind in general; he then breaks off and addresses himself to the Miser only. I have 
jaken the liberty of imagining, that by l!i:tc y wide abji } redco 3 he .means to return to his first reneraj 

[ i3* 1 

proposition, and that the following lines no longer apply to the Miser In particular. I know that 
strict grammatical construction does not favor this liberty ; but it appears to me to give more spirit 
and variety to the Satire, than if we restrict it to the sa/ne individual. 

* Where to the gentle] I have purposely omitted the cruel piece of Satire that follows on Balbinus : 
Surely the ridiculous passion here attributed to him can hardly be conceived to exist. At any rate 
1 must think that defects in our friends at all equal to this in personal beauty, if they do not dis- 
gust, neither can nor ought to delight us. 

* '"Tis thus, tho' Siddons] Zeno the founder of the Stoic Sect advanced of wisdom (which im- 
plied the subjection of the passions to our reason) that it made a man every thing. This bold and 

fgurati-ve expression was taken up by some of his followers, of perplexed understandings, in a literal 
sense, and led to the absurd inexplicable paradoxes our Poet here and in various other places so 
pleasantly ridicules. 

* Like Dr. Johnson to a Scot] "Whoever wishes to see an instance of this rough language has only 
to read Mr. Bosivell's account of his own introduction to him, and other anecdotes of the Doctor 
in p'int. 

* A heat that splits, the pavement anon. 

Or great Dubartas] Mr. Dryden, in his Preface to the Spanish Friar, says of these lines, that, when 
a young man, he used to admire them as the most perfect model of the Sublime in Poetry he had any 
conception of. 

* A bisting horse-shoe like Sir John] This passage might lead us to conclude that Shakspcare 

had a better knowledge of the ancients, than the Author of an ingenious treatise on his learning is in- 
clined to allow him ; but perhaps falsely ; For that two lively imaginations at work upon the same 
subject, should hit upon the same thoughts and even expressions, is not very improbable. As Mr, 
Francis remarks, " Next to be compassed like a good Bilboe in the circumference of a peck ; hilt 
"to point; heel to head;" seems almost a literal translation of H orace. The comparison of the Knight 
upon his immersion to a hissing horse-shoe, is peculiarly our English Poet's. 

* Macenas then'] As I have endeavoured to adapt this Satire to modern manners, I have not pre- 
served the places of the company, as in the original, since it could not be reconciled with modern 
customs; and because all the purpose seems to be as well answered by placing Macenas, Fundanius, 
Sec. at the top, and the Mayor with his parasites at the bottom. If any one wishes to have their ex- 
act situation, he may find an accurate representation of it in the edition by Mr. Francis. 


[ °ratius Fl accuSj Q 
bix Satires 





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